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TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU HAVE HAD AN UNPLEASANT SEXUAL EXPERIENCE THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR YOU

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU HAVE HAD AN UNPLEASANT SEXUAL EXPERIENCE THIS MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR YOU. THERE ARE NO POINTS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT BUT THE ATMOSPHERE IS UNCOMFORTABLE AND SO ARE THE DESCRIPTIONS. READ WITH DISCRETION.

Ellie Webber

I gripped the sheets in between my fingers as he fumbled with the condom. He wasn't looking at me, and the room was dark. Everything that had just happened in the closet was long gone. He was different now.

We stumbled up the stairs but somewhere in the middle of all of this happening, his demeanor changed. He because visibly blocked off by the outside world. He was right in front of me yet so far away from me mentally.

His hands shook as he tore open the wrapper.

"You sure?" He asked.

Was I sure? Was I sure that actually wanted to have sex with him? Was I actually sure that I wanted Reese Joseph to take my virginity? I think I was sure. I think I was ready. I just wanted to get it over with. Everyone always raves about how sex makes you feel things and release endorphins.

I nodded.

Did I want to go through with this?

"Are you wet?"

I nodded.

I was– I mean I was wet in the closet before he took me into the bedroom. But now– I felt like the entire connection we had just established was ruined. He wouldn't kiss me– he touched me as if I were dirty, and it just didn't feel right.

But I was here.

And I wasn't backing out again.

He was over the top of me, and as I looked directly up at him he looked everywhere but at me. Was there something wrong with me? Had I done something wrong? Should we have stayed in the closet?

Stupid Ellie with stupid feelings.

Reese had been so nice to me the last couple of times we had hung out as a group– I thought maybe he liked me. Maybe he was interested. Maybe–maybe he would be the Matti to my Naomi.

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