Morticia

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

"I was the one who caused their deaths. All of them." The archduke stated which dumbfounded me. Did he really... assassinate...? 

"If it weren't for me and my abilities, my parents wouldn't have been assassinated. If the emperor hadn't coveted my power, my parents would have been alive and well today..." I sat there quietly listening to him. His voice trembled as he started blaming himself for his parent's deaths.

"It was the same with my brother and his wife's deaths... I should've done as the emperor says. I should've just followed the role I was given... If it weren't for what I did, Renny and Rosy would've had their parents by their side..."His voice trailed off as he buried his face in his hands and cried softly. He looked so vulnerable at this moment. So fragile as if he would crumble at any moment...

I sat there, unmoving. As if I was not there. I didn't open my mouth nor did I make the slightest movement. I was afraid if I did so, the man beside me would break down. I just listened, as quietly as possible, letting him have his time to cry. Letting him let all his bottled-up emotions flow out. I think that's what he needed the most rather than me saying comforting words.

He sobbed uncontrollably, filling the quiet garden with his grief. He must've pushed these emotions aside ever since he became the archduke. He must not have time to grieve his brother's death since he succeeded the title almost immediately and had to accommodate the territories' affairs. It's only been two years, a very short time... Even ten years couldn't make me forget about my mother.

Several minutes passed before his sobs finally subsided. his eyes are red from crying. It's quite heavy seeing a grown man cry. It has a different effect than when women do. I guess it's because I see very few men cry their eyes out. The archduke sniffled and wiped his tears away. He inhaled and exhaled sharply a few times before turning his face to me.

"It must've been weird, Princess. I suddenly blurted out these things.." He shyly said as he laughed softly from embarrassment. His voice was hoarse from crying. I smiled and looked at the stars.

"It is weird, I'll tell you that," I started as I chuckled softly at his embarrassed expression. " But it's alright. I'm somewhat the same as you, Your Grace."  I looked at him and smiled softly.

"I blame myself for my mother's death too." Stating what has been eating my conscience for ten whole years aloud felt strange... I can't explain it.

"Is that so..?" The archduke asked me and I nodded in confirmation. I sighed and turn to look at the archduke.

"We've been out here for too long, Your Grace. We should head back in now." I suggested as I put on the coat in my hands.

"Alright. I'll escort you to your quarters." The archduke held out his hand and I placed mine on top.

"Lead the way," I answered as he led me back to my room.

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I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. I raised my hands and looked at it, focusing my gaze on it. Her hands fit perfectly in mine... Her hands are warm and soft, completely different than mine... and her soft smile... I placed my hands on my chest, feeling the erratic thumping in it. 

"... What was that?" Why did I... suddenly tell her about all that? That's completely unlike me... I even cried in front of her... I told her all the things I kept secret and things about her father!!! I barely even know her and yet... I told her the things her father did. I bet she doesn't believe me... She's the daughter of the person I abhor after all. I don't know why I had that sudden urge to just tell her everything, cry in front of her, let myself be vulnerable with her... 

"Argh!" I frustratedly exclaimed and shifted my body to my side. I think there's something wrong with my heart... Did I catch a disease somewhere? It must be affecting my heart. Look at how fast my heartbeat is, there is definitely something wrong with me. I sighed and closed my eyes forcing myself to sleep. I should forget about this and sleep first. I had a lot of work to do tomorrow... I can't afford to fall asleep in the middle of working...