STYLE, carlos sainz & charles leclerc

xiv.

STYLE ── fourteen

"𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞, 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐤𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮"
— the archer, taylor swift

Carlos Sainz was like a dream come true. He was everything a woman could've wished, a perfect balance of sweet and sexy. He was gentle, teasing, energetic and very romantic. And after 2 weeks, Juliette didn't get even 10 percent of what she wanted from him.

In between the Austrian Grand Prix and the French one, there were two weeks, giving Juliette and Carlos the perfect opportunity to enjoy the beginning of their relationship without the races in the way.

This time, they decided to go to Carlos' home country and give Juliette to opportunity to get to know his roots and passions more deeply. Their routine was beach, lunch and romance, but it seemed even better when she had Carlos by her side. She loved when he'd cook his favorite dishes for her, or would always make sure to have any part of him touching hers, or even the small gestures of helping clean up.

Their secret couldn't keep that way not even for a week since all her friends were already aware of what was going on and it seemed obvious how much enamored of each other they were. Juliette was happy, genuinely and freely happy after months.

Everything about Carlos was magnetic and addictive, in a way that she wanted to spend all the time with him and felt bad not to wake with him by her side already, like he had always been there.

And it scared the shit out of her.

For the three prior nights, Juliette didn't sleep when Carlos kissed the top of her head and curled his body protectively around hers. She felt even more aware of the proximity between them— both physically and emotionally. And suddenly a panic attack would slowly grow inside and take control of her mind.

Because this was exactly what she was scared of in the first place and went for it anyway. And what was supposed to be just a hookup to get rid of all that accumulated sexual tension became something bigger. To the point of making her considering having feelings for Carlos. Because, for the first time, she didn't want to leave and could only wish he'd stay.

And suddenly Carlos was too sweet and romantic, which made her make a rushed decision based on impulsive thoughts that she'd probably regret for the rest of her life.

When Carlos left the house for a couple of days to meet with some friends, before he returned just in time for them to catch a flight to France together, making it obvious to the entire paddock that they were together. And before that could've happened, Juliette packed all her things and left him nothing but a note letting him know she'd flied there earlier.

"Can't fly to France with you. I'm sorry I can't explain why. Hope to see you around another time — Juliette"

During the entire flight, Juliette was divided between her heart and her mind, looking out of the window and imagining his disappointed face to find how she abandoned him after the two best weeks of their lives.

The thing was: Juliette couldn't sleep the night she left him either. Instead of relief for stopping herself from catching feelings and falling down the path she was most afraid of, she only felt guilty and regret. She missed having Carlos' arms around her before falling asleep and the soft kisses when she woke up. She missed his corner smile and the face he'd make when he zoned out.

And then she'd wonder why she always had to ruin everything good that came into her life. How she'd always pick the worst guys so she wouldn't have to worry about falling in love. How she never liked serious relationship because she didn't want to feel trapped. And how messed up her conception of love actually was, but she would never do anything to change it.

For the French GP, Juliette decided to focus on her career instead of mopping in the corners for something she herself ruined or running after something she'd never be able to have. She just wanted to go back to the way things were a year ago when she was fine with living like an island.

And even though her heart was hurting like a bitch, she kept going.

"Okay, that's it." Ella broke the silence that settled on their dinner table after the two of them leaned their heads down to eat after Lewis went to the bathroom. "What's up with you?"

"I'm fine, just tired." Juliette shrugged, focusing on her dish because she knew as soon she looked up she'd break down in front of her best friend.

"I know something's wrong, Julie. And I know it has to do with Sainz. So what did that stupid Chilli did to you?"

"He did nothing wrong, I'm the one who messed up."

"Then freaking fix it." Ella replied edgily back, making Juliette finally look up to face the blonde's confused yet empathetic expression.

"I can't. I left him and— it was bad. He doesn't deserve a mess like me." She sighed, thinking about how Carlos avoided her the entire weekend.

"It's not about what he deserves, Julie. It's about what he wants. He wants you and you want him, so what's stopping you?"

"How can you know that?"

"If he's half as miserable as you are being away from each other— which I know he is— then, yeah, it's better if you stay together." Ella shrugged, not sharing the fact that Pierre was telling the entire grid how Carlos didn't even speak to anyone after a great qualifier. "No matter how bad it ends, you have to stop underestimating your own feelings."

Juliette sat there in silence for half a minute, simply absorbing her best friend's words and, maybe, how right she was. Even though she didn't know the entirety of her thoughts, Ella knew her enough to understand a bit of how Juliette's mind worked. How her upbringing brought a big weight on her shoulders that she needed to be this perfect girl, who overthought through everything before doing every little thing.

Her overthinking and anxiety was a dangerous mix that made her look for the worst in people and forward seeing and fearing herself getting hurt.

"Don't settle for a mediocre happiness when you can have everything."

"But what if it makes miserable in the end?" Juliette asked genuinely.

"Then you'll know you tried your hardest and was happy for the longest as you could. Carpe diem, Juliette."

"What does that mean?"

"Enjoy your fucking life while you still have one, dumbass." Ella smiled slightly down at her best friend before catching her hand across the table.

"When did you become so wise?" Juliette frowned jokingly when she noticed Lewis walking back to their table after paying the bill.

"I always was. You were just too into your own shit to actually ask for advice." Ella shrugged, smiling when she felt her most-recently-boyfriend put his hands on her shoulders and leaned her head back so he could deposit a soft kiss on her lips.

"Do I want to know what you're talking about?" Lewis frowned his eyebrows as he watched the two friends confusedly.

"No, baby, we're already done. What matter is whether Julie will follow my advice or not."

"You should. Ella's a smartass."

"Oh please, like we didn't already know." The blonde bragged as she got up so the trio could leave.

As Lewis Hamilton lead their way out, Ella gave a quick look over her shoulders to meet eyes with her best friend and smiled in pleasure when Juliette nodded in her direction, meaning she'd give an actual thought about what her best friend said.

Maybe it was time to go after what she wants, after all.