Sunsets and the Stars // Johnny x Ponyboy

Chapter Four // The Sheppard Interlude

I turned my head, seeing Darry standing in the doorway. I mentally cursed myself, because I was hoping it would've been Johnny or Sodapop.

"Pony, can we talk now?" he said in a soothing voice.

I nodded my head , signalling for him to begin talking.

Darry walked farther into the room, and sat on my bed next to me. He took a heavy sigh, composing himself.

"Ponyboy, I'm worried about you," he stated. I gulped.

"Why's that?" I whispered back. I felt like I didn't want to know the answer.

"Ever since you came back from the church, and Johnny got better, you started acting strange," he said. I could see how hard this conversation was on him.

"Strange, how?" I answered, skeptically. What if he knew I had a crush on Johnny?

"Well, you've been snapping at people recently, and you spend a lot of time in your room by yourself. According to Sodapop, even Steve was worried about you, and he refused to tell me what's going on. On top of that, I heard you sobbing not to long ago," he whispered. I looked at Darry's face, it was soft and gentle, filled with concern.

"I'm fine, really. Don't worry about me," I replied. I just wanted to be buried in a hole.

"Did you know about Johnny's date with the Sheppard sister?" questioned Darry. He was staring at me, waiting for an answer.

I couldn't hold it back anymore, as I felt my whole entire face go red, and I put my face in my hands. I just wanted to kick Darry out of the room, so I could cry by myself.

Before I knew it, silent tears were rolling down my cheeks. I was unsure what to say, and I felt like I was petrified in my seat.

"Ponyboy, are you in love Johnny?" he whispered. I could now feel his muscular arms around me.

"I think I might be," I stuttered. I was so terrified of what was about to happen to me.

"Listen Ponyboy," he started. I felt like I was going to die. "I don't understand the whole..queer thing, but if you love Johnny, I can't stop you. Just be careful, okay? I don't want you getting hurt if he doesn't feel the same way."

I wrapped my arms around Darry, silently thanking him. I was relieved by what he said. I was scared he was going to kick me out, or worse. Kill me.

"Does Steve know?" he asked.

"Not about Johnny, but he knows I might love someone," I replied.

Darry nodded his head, and took a deep breathe. He gave me one quick hug, before walking out of the room.

-

It was the middle of the night, and the house was practically silent. I was curled up on the couch, a blanket over me. Next to me, Two Bit was asleep and drunk, a beer bottle in his hand. Darry had gone to bed, but I was watching some sort of television show. The hours ticked by, loneliness and boredom consuming me.

I wondered how Johnny's date was going.

I could picture Johnny putting his hands through Angela's thick, black hair, as he kissed her red lips. Or the way he could've put his arm around her as they silently watched the movie, or how they could've talked about anything under the sun.

I didn't want to have these thoughts, but I couldn't help it. Tears silently rolled down my cheeks.

Suddenly, the front door opened, revealing Johnny.

He had a wide grin on his face, and he looked happy.

I wanted to be the one who made him happy.

"Hey Pony," he said smiling.

"Hi," I replied, trying to force a smile.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, clearly noticing the tears on my cheeks.

"Nothing," I started, wiping away my tears, "There was just a sad moment on the show, that's all."

Johnny seemed to have believed me, or not cared, because he then began talking.

"My date was great," he beamed.

"That's nice," I said dully. I could feel sadness growing inside of me.

"She held my hand on the way in, and she even let me kiss her. It was really good. Maybe next time I'll get even farther," he said, suggestively. I was going to be sick.

"Good for you, Johnny," I said, trying not to cry. I patted his back, and stood up.

"Where are you going?" he asked. He still had a dreamy look in his eyes.

"To bed. I have to get away," I mumbled, as I began to walk to my room. I didn't even bother stopping to see Johnny's reaction. I didn't care.

-

When I was back in Soda and I's room, he was sprawled out on the bed, sleeping heavily. I turned on the desk lamp, and I began to write.

-

Dear Journal,

Today was one of the best days and worst days of my life.

Johnny went out on a date with the Sheppard sister, Angela. Boy is she gorgeous. I felt depressed at the fact that Johnny was finding love, while I was in love with him. He said that he had an amazing time with her, and that he had even kissed her.

I knew Johnny hadn't kissed anyone before then, so it was his first kiss. The thing that made me feel even worse was that I was sort of fantasizing him and I sharing our first kisses together.

The good news is that Darry found out about Johnny. I was terrified, but he accepted me. I felt like I had a weight lifted off of my shoulders, and like I had some room to breathe.

I really hope tomorrow is better though, because I really don't want to live though my personal hell again. I just hope Johnny changes his mind about Angela, because I desperately want him to be with me instead of her.

I know for a fact I'd treat him right. I'd do anything he asked, anything to make him happy. I'd sleep next to him, and make him breakfast, take him on cute dates, and kiss him.

But deep down I know my wish will never happen.

Ponyboy Curtis

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