Sunsets and the Stars // Johnny x Ponyboy

Chapter Forty Two // The Randle Rant

Steve's POV

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all.

Currently, I was sitting in the Curtis dining room. No one else was in the room, and barely anyone was home. Only Two Bit and Soda were here, and they were watching TV or something.

I was sitting at the table with my head pressed up against the cold, hard surface. I began to think about my emotions.

It wasn't fair that Johnny got Ponyboy in the end. It wasn't fair that Ponyboy ended up with him instead of me.

Johnny had been running around with Angela Sheppard, making Pony feel worthless and like he didn't matter. Who was there to pick up the pieces and make him feel good again?

Me. I was there.

I tried to be a nice guy, reassuring him that he was beautiful and worth it. Every word I said to him was true.

I watched him tear himself a part everyday, and I would be the one to build him up. He chased a guy who was hurting him, even though I was there the whole time.

I just don't understand what I did wrong. I never lied to him, and I never hurt him in any way. I was by his side when he needed me, and we never got into any petty fights.

I could have done better. Maybe I'd be with him if I hadn't reassured him that Johnny would come around. Maybe I should have done something extravagant for him.

It just wasn't fair.

Truthfully, I started liking Ponyboy to get over another crush. But that didn't matter, because he definetly didn't like me back.

My old crush was Sodapop Curtis.

God, he was perfect. I started to have feelings for him in the sixth grade.

But, he had feelings for Sandy.

I still remember when he told me.

"Hey Steve, can I tell you something?" asked Soda. I nodded.

"Yeah, you know you can," I replied. He looked at me.

"I have a crush," he began. I gasped.

"Who is it?" I exclaimed. I sort of hoped that he'd say that it was me.

He was quiet for a moment, almost like he was thinking for a name.

"Its Sandy," he stated with a small smile. I felt my heart sink.

I should have known.

The next few years would go on as I watched Soda fall in love with her. I wanted to be in her place. I was here longer.

But Sodapop was straight.

So I stayed silent. I would pretend that I wouldn't notice his body getting more toned each summer, and I would pretend that I wasn't mesmerized by his eyes or his smile. I would act like I didn't want to kiss him and run my hands through his hair.

I just kept pushing my feelings away.

One day, I think I accidentally slipped something.

I was staring at Soda, laughing. He looked so perfect. Suddenly, someone snapped in my face.

It was Sandy.

"You okay, Steve? You keep staring at Soda," she said, suspiciously. I tried not to turn red.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just keep spacing out," I stated quietly. Soda nodded, probably trying to back me up.

"Well, alright," she replied, glaring at me slightly in a way that Soda wouldn't notice.

She proceeded to passionately kiss him.

I felt jealousy arise.

I knew that I couldn't take it with Soda anymore, and I knew that I needed a distraction.

That's when Evie walked in.

She was real pretty. She had nice black hair, and she was always smiling. Plus, she was friends with Sandy.

She was a good distraction from my feelings, but I never felt any love towards her.

Just friendship.

That's when everything spilled.

"Evie, I wanna break up," I said, one day. We were sitting on my bed. She gasped.

"What's wrong, Steve? How can I fix it?" she asked. She was always sweet and caring.

"You can't fix it, honey. I just love someone," I stated. She was silent for a few seconds, almost like she was thinking.

"You're in love with Sodapop, ain't you?" she blurted out. My mouth fell open.
"How did you-" I began she cut me off.

"You look at him with love, more love than Sandy does," she stated. I began to cry.

"Don't worry, sweets. Its all gonna be alright," she said while rubbing my back.

Evie was the only one I had told for a long time. She accepted me right away. She really was a dream girl.

If I were straight, I'd love her till the end of time.

Everything was going okay. Evie pretended to be my girlfriend to help me out. She also became a therapist to me in a way.

She was so pure.

Eventually, I felt like obsessing over Soda was ruining my life. I needed someone else.

That's when Pony walked into the story.

I had heard about his kiss with Johnny, and how he came out as bisexual. He was always a good looking guy, and he was really smart.

I fell for him almost instantly. I dedicated time and effort for him. I knew that I had a chance.

He might have not been Sodapop, but it was okay. He was his own unique person, and I liked that about him.

We got along well. I really thought that he was starting to like me when we went on dates. He was always gentle and kind towards me.

But then Johnny came back. He came back and ruined everything for me.

I had a legitimate chance at love. I could've started over with Ponyboy. I could have been happy in a relationship.

But no. Johnny ruined everything. He just came crawling back out of no where, leaving me all alone again. It was like I was back at square one; bothering Evie about my love life.

Here I was now.

Alone and unloved.

Nobody loves me.

And they never will.