Sunsets and the Stars // Johnny x Ponyboy

Chapter Eight // Regret Mixed With Rage

Johnny pulled away from the kiss, and so did I. It was my first kiss. I couldn't believe it. The butterflies in my stomach grew.

I looked at Johnny, his eyes wide. He was frozen, like he didn't know what just happened, or what to say.

"I'm so sorry Ponyboy," he whispered. I looked into his eyes, wanting an explanation for his apology.

"That was a mistake. That was a huge mistake, and I didn't mean to kiss you," he said. I felt my stomach drop.

"It was a one time thing. This kiss means nothing at all. Nothing. I'm sorry," he said, finishing. I felt my smile drop, too.

I immediately shoved Johnny away from me, and I stood up. I felt dirty, I felt disgusting, I felt used.

"You used me!" I screamed at him. His face fell.

"No I didn't Ponyboy. It was just a mistake!" he hastily replied. He stood up, and grabbed my hands, forcing me to face him. I pulled them away quickly.

"I never want to see you again! I hate you! You know that I never had my first kiss, and you took it! Why, Johnny? Why?" I asked. I tried not to cry.

"I can't tell you," he whispered. That was it. I was fed up.

I slapped Johnny across the face.

-

I kicked everything I saw in sight. I kicked the couch, I kicked the TV, I kicked all the chairs in the dining room over. I was fueled with rage. I was furious.

The whole gang was over, and no one said anything. No one tried to stop me from my eternal war. Everyone just stared at me, scared.

I got a good look of Dally's face. It was completely white. He looked terrified for his life. Dallas Winston never looked scared, and he never showed fear. This was the first time I saw him look like he needed to hide.

Sodapop's face was blank. His bright eyes looked dead, and he looked like he was trying to put the pieces together. He wasn't going to figure anything out.

Two Bit wasn't laughing, and he wasn't joyful. No, instead, he was quiet for the first time in a long time. It was violating to see him being silent.

Steve looked stressed. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he had his hand over his mouth like he was gasping. He probably thought that he'd never see me this mad. He probably thought that I was just an innocent kid.

Darry looked blank. His shiny blue eyes were dark, and they were lifeless. He somehow looked like he had shrunk, because he appeared shorter in stature. He looked like he wanted to disappear.

And last but not least, Johnny. Johnny was sitting in the corner, his face in has hands. He was sobbing, crying like he was about to die. He knew that my outrage was his fault, but he probably never suspected this to happen. He probably thought that kissing me would be easy. He probably thought that I would be helpless. Johnny was more than wrong.

I let out one last scream. It was loud and burned my throat. I felt like I had drunken a whole bottle of vodka.

"I-way oved-lay ohnny-Jay, and-way e-hay used-way e-may. e-Hay issed-kay e-may. I'll ever-nay orgive-fay im-hay. is-Thay is-way all-way is-hay ault-fay. e-Thay ucking-fay astard-bay used-way e-may. I-way eel-fay iolated-vay and-way irty-day, all-way ecause-bay ohnny-Jay ecided-day o-tay e-bay a-way ore-whay. e-Hay an-cay ave-hay at-thay ank-skay Angela-way, ecause-bay he's othing-nay o-tay e-may. He's a-way iece-pay of-way it-shay," I screamed out in pig Latin. I knew that no one but Steve and Darry would understand.

(Pig Latin Translation - I loved Johnny, and he used me. He kissed me. I'll never forgive him. This is all his fault. The fucking bastard used me. I feel violated and dirty, all because Johnny decided to be a whore. He can have that skank Angela, because he's nothing to me. He's a piece of shit.)

Steve and Darry nervously glanced at each other, knowing that what I said wasn't good. They looked back at Johnny, too. I think the rest of the gang got a hint.

I slumped against a wall in the opposite corner of Johnny. I suddenly felt exhausted. The rage I felt drained me immensely.

Steve slowly walked up to me, and kneeled down. He brushed my cheek.

"Hey Pony, I know how it feels. I know. But it'll be okay, I promise," he whispered. I don't think anyone else in the room heard him, because they all looked confused.

Johnny had stopped crying to try and listen. Even though I was mad at him, it still hurt me to see him cry. I tried not to think about that.

I used Steve to get up, and walked over to Darry. I was struggling, but I managed. I threw myself at him, hugging him like there was no tomorrow.

Everything around me started to go black, but I know that Darry carried me in his arms up to my room, placing me in my bed.

"I love you, Ponyboy," he whispered. I blacked out after that.

-

I was sitting at my desk, writing. It was the middle of the night, and no one was awake.

"Dear Diary,

A beautiful moment was taken away from me today. I was watching the sunset and the stars with Johnny, when he kissed me. I was the happiest I had been in a while. I felt fireworks when his lips touched mine.

Something horrible happened. When we pulled away, he said that our kiss was a mistake. He regrets kissing me. He used me. I feel horrible.

I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive Johnny. It was too much pain to deal with, and I need it all to end somehow.

From now on, I have to protect myself. I can't let Johnny hurt me again. If i mean nothing to him, he means nothing to me.

It will be hard to convince myself that I still don't love him, but I can always try.

Ponyboy Curtis"

Just as I finished writing, my bedroom door opened.