Without regrets [redwood book 2]

Chapter twenty four

There are some mornings that you just wake up and question life for no reason. Nothing bad has happened, you just woke up feeling off. Not feeling like your everyday self. Instead of seeing in colour you see everything in black and white. These mornings, talking to you is like pulling teeth. And you want to cry but there is no tears coming out and you have no reason too.

I woke up feeling grey and only seeing black and white.

I went into the garage and greeted the boys, got the coffee ready and went to my station to fix the car I had been fixing the day before. The boys must have sense my mood so they left me alone.

I didn't understand what was going on with me.

I didn't even join in with laughter when Paul arrived with his tall, leggy blonde wife. I didn't laugh when Thomas made the barbie and Ken joke. I didn't even laugh when the boys teased each other during the morning.

"Gee Wednesday you woke up on the wrong side of the bed today or what?"Oscar said in his slight accent.

I looked up and send him a glare, ignoring the other boys laughter.

This isn't my first grey morning. Every time I do have these times of morning, the boys call me Wednesday from the Adaam's family. You get it because of my pale-ish skin and black hair. Aren't they just funny?

"Yikes if that didn't make you laugh then I don't know what would. How about you go and take your lunch early?"

"Not hungry"I mumbled.

"I wasn't asking you. My wife gets like this some days I don't understand why. She seems a bit happier when I put food in her stomach"

I held my tongue back. I know he just meant well so there wasn't any point snapping at him.

I threw the cloth on the car after I wiped my hands.

"Alright be back in a hour"I tell the boys.

I could feel Joe's eyes on me, analysing me and trying to figure the hell is wrong with me. He does that a lot now? Trying to see if there's physical change in me. It's almost as if he's wary of me, like he is not sure whether I would come up to him with a knife. I don't blame him, he must think I'm mad after the story I told him. He didn't react, that's not Joe. He wouldn't look at me like I'm mad when I'm trying to open up. I'm just glad he didn't send me to the looney bin.

To be honest, I wouldn't even be mad. There are mornings I felt crazy. Like I made redwood up. Like I made the werewolf shifter thing up and in fact that everyone who looked human were actually human and not part time wolf. That all of it was my imagination and maybe I was kidnapped by aliens and they brainwashed me to believe that I had a Cameron in my life. That I had people other than the boys would might have liked me and wanted me to be part of their family too.

But who am I kidding? It happened. Cameron was exist. His family exists. They just don't want...me.

I was working through muscle memory. I wasn't really there at all. Like I was a computer, a machine. Functioning on saved backup energy. I brought myself my favourite sandwich that wasn't far from the garage and went to the park.

I don't know why I have been spending so much time in his park lately.

Maybe it's because I felt closer to them. To him.

I love being back at silver creek, especially now since the boys included in their little family and I accept. But there is a part of me -I would never admit this out loud- that misses redwood.

I had only been there for a month and it literally changed my life. I doubt I done the same for them.

You don't matter. You're just a number in the system.