Chapter 30

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Bucky managed to calm his panic attack, forcing his mind to remember how Alex's hugs felt like the suns warming rays, and her hands being soft yet rough in the ways he could relate to...from decades of fights and holding weapons. 

When she touched his face with her fingers it awakened something inside him, a light that burned through the darkness. He found himself praying to anyone up there that was listening, praying that she was still alive... He wanted another chance with her, another chance to tell her how he truly felt.

"Bucky!" Steve called out, jogging over. Bucky wiped his face with the back of his hand before turning to meet the Captain.

"Bruce found something," When Steve struggled to continued, or find a way to tell him the information, Bucky groaned.

"Spit it out, what is it?"

"This might not be what you want to hear.. i uh.. I don't want to tip you off the edge, Buck" He said.

"You know that's not how it works right?..." Bucky said. "I can't just turn into the winter soldier with a click of my fingers or some bad news," He gave him a look that said enough. 

"So just tell me Steve, what's going on?"

"Banner found sightings of an assassin with Hydras symbol etched onto her gear... She's been killing rogue agents, people who are threats to the organisation and..." Steve paused, glancing at the lake and raking teeth over his lower lip. Bucky watched him and waited then urged him to continue.

"And what? Come on spit it out!"

"Well...they have her eradicating any witnesses too..."

There it was, the bad part of the news...the words hung in-between them like dead weight. Bucky's eyes slid closed, he brought a hand to his face then rolled his head back to look at the sky, silently cursing the heavens above.

"They—"

"They turned her into me..." Bucky stated, making it easier for the captain. "They made her into another winter soldier..." His hands formed fists by his sides as he remembered the pain he had to go through under Alexander Pierce's hands. The thought of her enduring what he did made his knees feel weak but he held firm and stood his ground. He promised himself he could break down later—behind closed doors, when he was alone.

"Fuck, Steve..." Bucky shook his head, not wanting to believe it but the truth was pounding his head into the ground like a nail in a coffin. 

"Please tell me you've found her," He asked, and Steve shook his head.

"She's not on the radar yet, nor is her next target, but Bruce is keeping watch..." He said, and all Bucky could do was nod slowly. He averted his gaze to the lake where the water rippled softly in the breeze, it seemed more calm than any of them lately. 

"Come on, let's get back," Steve suggested, but Bucky wasn't ready to head back yet, he needed to think all of this through.

"You go, i'm gonna take a few more minutes to process.."

"Buck?"

"Yeah?" He asked, meeting his friends gaze once more.

"You okay?" Steve worried about him, he could see what this news did to him.

"No." Bucky answered honestly. "No, Steve. I'm not okay..." 

**

Natasha and Wanda managed to get the last location out of Yuri, with plans to hit it first thing in the morning. Everyone was too occupied with heads stuck into what they were doing when suddenly emergency alerts blared from every single speaker in the building seconds before the attack happened. 

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