Unspoken words in proses.

Relinquish: Forward

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"Have you moved on?"

It makes me wonder, too. Have I already moved on or I was just pretending I am to convince myself that I am strong enough to forget you? It has been months since I started not mentioning your name in every talk my friends and I have. I stopped visiting your social media accounts; I stopped thinking about you when I hear my favourite love song playing. Perhaps I have moved on?

If so, then why is it still too heavy, too uncertain whenever my friends asked where have you been? I found myself standing in a field of sunflowers, caressing each of them while looking up at the sapphire sky, and it's still remind me of your ocean blue eyes, why? If I have moved on, then what is this flummoxing emotions? Going 'round the same circle I tried getting out of, I'm still stuck where you have left me. Does that answer everything? Maybe I indeed have not forget about you yet; maybe I am not fully healed yet.

But do not worry, I'd rather pretend you don't exist than to go on the same phase again. I do not ever want to go insane loving you when clearly, you never once like a sunflower instead you desire taking a rose. Have I really moved on or I am just ignoring all these raging feelings in me? Just like a kid crying when she get a deep big wound, I am like that for how many years now; endlessly begging for the same God I worship to give me answers or clues as to how I coud re-start without any trace of you in my life.

As I write these words frustratingly, I found the right answer for the question 'Have you already moved on?' No, I haven't, for I am still affected of how easily you could get me say these things I didn't expect I could say. No, I haven't moved on yet, but I am still in the process of forgetting you.

And maybe—  still in the process of unloving you.