Unspoken words in proses.

Still, happier with you

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I still dreamt of you. Your voice still echoing in my ears even when you weren't around. I know I did already bid my sweetest good bye, but everytime I see you in the street— with your hand going through your hair— I wonder what could happen if I did not leave? It has been years; yet still it feels confusing. Torn between moving on or waiting for you to send me messages like before. Do I still continue to hope? For every time I wait, it always just turns out that I seem like a desperate lost person looking for a way out of a maze.

I reminisced my moments with you the last time we ran around an open field, happily bantering as we chase each other; I could never deny that I am much, much— much happier with you. The grey skies just turned very blue as I sat beside you; the leaves started to dance with me as I stared helplessly in love with your eyes. I indeed was very, very happy, but it made me wonder too— do you care? Do you feel the same way?

I guess not— perhaps no. Just months ago when I decided to stop; to leave. My reasons were unclear to you, and I do not want to explain; for I believe destiny will tell you what made me want to choose myself this time. I could never say you did something wrong to make me take hundred steps away from you; but I could tell you confidently that it hurts badly to be all contented when I know — deep within— we were never really meant to be. So now, allow me to bid you my final good bye, before I totally buried you in the back of my heart. I'm sorry if I am coward to speak to you personally, but I hope you know— those times with you— I felt happy; and that up until now, I still wonder— that if I ever chose to stay; would the fate be the same?