Unspoken words in proses.

A letter to a friend.

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A letter to a friend.

I am sorry if I have to take a million steps away from you now that I have realized to prioritize my heart first. I cannot dictate myself to stay anymore; I had enough of giving my all. You have made me who am I and I thanked you for that. I still kept the letters you gave me every Valentines— for it does remind me that I was treasured and loved. Looking back, I could never deny you were also the reason of why I chose to have fun despite the problems; to go with the flow even life was flooded with chaos. It was fun, really. It was fun to heal our inner child together, to chase each other around the open field as if we were kids; to carelessly ride bicycle and go through the rough road; I was happy to laugh while dancing in the rooftop as the cloud cries. It was fun— It was enjoyable.

In the past, I refused to believe that people would eventually go. I was sure you were not the type of friend who leaves when life becomes rough. But as the world revolves fastly, suddenly something has changed between you and I. At first, I got confused. It felt like the storm that passed us took away the laughter we had. The sky suddenly turned really dark, the clouds wasn't in its good shape. Those times, I wonder what were the factors that affected us?  I was lost, yet I took the risk and look for an answer. I did it for the sake of the friendship I treasured— to no avail, I found nothing but you going far from the place we once promise to keep. Every steps I take just to reach you are becoming heavy; yet It didn't stop me to gain strength and lift my feet up for another step; hoping it'd at least make you notice me.

It took me months to finally wake up into my own reality; one day I just opened my eyes and realized things are not the same anymore. We suddenly got exhausted of embracing each other; you seek for something fun— you seek for something that could give you happiness you longed for. I did not see it as a bad thing, I respected that you desire to fulfill the promises we made with a new companion now. Perhaps you'd be happier dancing through the rain with them; perhaps you'd enjoy learning to ride a bike no matter how rocky the road is. For that, I am happy. But isn't it a bit unfair? For I kept sitting in the corner all along so when you just need me, you could run to me and cry. Maybe that's what I am made of? A friend to wash your blue but never a friend to be treasured? At first, it was okay, until you completely made me feel a blanket to embrace just when you feel cold, and eventually leave me in a complete mess when you find something fun to do. I could still ignore the clear sign of hypocrisy, but it was exhausting. It is exhausting to be a friend to all, but a friend to none. So again, forgive me if I choose to leave now. I didn't want to—  for you have been a part of my soul.  You completed and fill the emptiness that my heart possessed, but I wasn't surprise when you took the pieces away from me too suddenly and left a huge hole again. I know by now, you are taking a bus towards to a new path where I do not need to be a part of, and it is okay— I understand.

It was indeed a  quite the long and fun ride I had with you, but I am afraid, I have to step down and heal a part of me that is constantly hurting because of you.