Shawn Mendes Imagines

Miscarriage

After months of trying, I was finally pregnant. Shawn and I were walking into the hospital to get an ultrasound done just to check on the baby's progress, and possibly a gender reveal. I couldn't contain my excitement as we sat in the waiting room.

"Do you think it's going to be a boy or girl?" I asked Shawn.

"I think it's going to be a girl."

"You think so? I think it's going to be a boy."

"I don't really care what it is. Just that it's ours. I do want it to be a girl though. If it's a girl, it'll look more like you."

"That's exactly why I wanted it to be a boy," I laughed.

"It doesn't really matter. It'll be half of you and half of me." He smiled at me, taking my hand.

"Y/N Mendes." Our little moment was interrupted by a nurse calling my name.

I got to my feet, pulling Shawn with me. We followed the nurse down a hallway.

"You're here for an ultrasound, correct?" she asked.

"Yes," I clarified.

"All right. Here we are," she said, opening up a door.

There was a chair in the middle of the room, a screen on a wall, and the ultrasound machine.

"I'll need you to sit in that chair, Mrs. Mendes," she ordered.

I sat in the chair. Shawn lingered by my side, unwilling to go sit down in the chairs across the room. I smiled up at him, and he beamed back.

The nurse took my blood pressure and listened to my heartbeat. She asked how far along I was, if I'd had any weird symptoms, and when my last period was. Then she asked me to lift my shirt up. She spread the cool jelly on my stomach and turned on the machine. She moved the little stick around my stomach.

"Oh..." The nurse looked worried as she watched the little screen.

"What is it?" My stomach dropped in fear.

"I'm afraid you've had a miscarriage."

I heard Shawn gasp beside me, and everything inside me went numb.

I couldn't speak, so Shawn asked the questions we were both thinking.

"Are you sure?" He swallowed hard. "Was it anything that we did?"

(I don't really know how miscarriages work. I know there's a pelvic test, but I don't know how that works, so I'm not going to write it)
"Yes. The baby was lost, but it almost certainly wasn't anything you did. Miscarriages are very common, and they're rarely caused by anything the mother - or the father - did. Since neither one of you smoke, and there hasn't been any trauma for Y/N, it's not your fault. I am truly sorry. I wish there was something I could do."

I slowly nodded, still unable to speak. The nurse handed me a cloth to wipe off the ultrasound jelly. I still felt unable to move, so Shawn took the cloth and gently wiped off my stomach. He helped me out of the chair, and he didn't let go of my hand as we followed the nurse back to the waiting room.

I felt too numb to even cry. All I could do was follow Shawn back to the car. He let go of my hand for a few minutes while we got into the car, but he took my hand again and held it until we got home.

The car ride was silent. The radio wasn't playing and neither of us spoke. I stared out the front window, trying to process what had just happened. I couldn't do it. It felt like my head was completely separate from the rest of my body. Possibly the only thing keeping me grounded was Shawn's hand in mine, his thumb rubbing small circles on my skin.

When we pulled in the driveway, Shawn hesitated before releasing my hand and cutting the engine. I remained frozen until Shawn opened his door, the movement reminding me that I needed to move. I followed him up the sidewalk and the two steps to get to the door. He unlocked the door and held it open for me.

I slowly took off my shoes at the door. I took a few more steps into the living room, and then I cracked. I let out a sob and sank to the floor. Shawn came down beside me and opened his arms for me. I crawled into his lap, allowing myself to be wrapped in his embrace. I clung to him like a lifeline. It felt like he was my lifeline at the moment. He slowly rocked back and forth as he allowed my tears to stain his shirt. I looked up at his face and saw that tears were silently streaming down his face, too. When his eyes met mine, he let out a shaky sob, his body shuddering under mine. It physically hurt me to watch him fall apart like that. I pressed my face into his shoulder again, and he tightened his grip on me.

"I love you," he whispered. "I love you so much."

I could only nod and sob harder. We didn't speak after that. He didn't try to comfort me. He didn't tell me it was going to be okay. He didn't tell me we could try again. And I was grateful. He just held me, and that's all I needed as I cried. I cried over the excitement I had felt. I cried over all the hours we had put in to prepare. I cried for our family. I cried for Shawn. I cried for myself. But most of all, I cried over my beautiful, lost, unborn baby that I had already loved.

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Well... that was sad. And maybe a little extra and slightly cheesy, but I haven't really written anything like this before, and I like it.
June 18, 2017
-💜

Update after this was already published. Today is Father's Day! I didn't even mean to post this for that. It was a complete coincidence. It's kind of ironic because in this one, Shawn almost becomes a dad, but he doesn't get to. That just made it, like, 10 times sadder!
Okay, sorry. I just had to point that out