Destined With Him

30. Secrets are like worshipped weapons !!

SURPRISE UPDATE . FAST UPDATE . EARLY UPDATE 

Song : Sad Song 

By : We The Kings, Ft. Elena Coats 

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I was currently going through my wardrobe thinking about what to wear tonight to that party Ayansh informed me yesterday about.

 And trying to keep the thoughts of Ayansh , out of my head but failing miserably . Yes , I myself felt like I was being a really clingy person , or you can say girl friend . I was fussing so much about it . So I decided to actually leave it alone for some time . 

As Ayansh so kindly asked me for . Not. 

It's not like I didn't try asking what was bothering him . I did everything on my part , I could have done . Even after he came to pick me up from work yesterday , I tried talking to him , but he kept changing the topic every single time , and when I called him out on it , he snapped at me saying , 'why couldn't I get it through my thick skull that nothing was wrong with him . I wasn't his therapist for fuck's sake and that I should focus on whose ever therapist I actually am.'

True that .

But I didn't even think about he felt that way . I .. I was just worried about him so much . For us . 

His words actually stung , but I didn't even shed a single tear . I was done crying , but not trying . I just thought about putting up little space between us . I just thought that whatever we were doing it wasn't actually healthy . Either we were making out one minute so passionately , or fighting . And making him promise me doesn't actually helps , because at night he promises me one thing and in the morning he looks like he switched off his one personality , and swapped it with some other personality trait . 

Like he's some kind of vampire from TVD . Thank God he doesn't really have that power to switch off his humanity . I bet he would have done it in a blink of an eye .

From whatever time I've spent with Ayansh , I've learnt that he's a very secretive and mysterious person . And me crashing suddenly into his life and demanding him to spill out his problems or secrets , isn't a very easy thing to deal with . And I understand it fine . I do . He didn't actually have anyone before to share his problems with , to tell anyone what's bothering him actually . Just thinking about that before how alone he was in his life hurts my heart . Sure he had so many people but I couldn't even entertain the thought that he actually used to share his lifestyle with anyone . He loves his siblings dearly , but I don't think that means , he allowed them to actually show him that they cared . 

And now , things have started to change . He needs time , but that doesn't explains what IS eating him up all this time ,that he suddenly started to pull away from me . But I what I mean is he needs his time to actually tell me about this thing . About him . His secrets . His past . Whatever it is . 

I know it isn't healthy , we both are keeping secrets from each other . Me being the one keeping a very deep and dark one . A black one . A secret that have the power to decide my future with him.

But is it wrong to think about establishing a much stronger bond . To prepare yourself and the other person , to be strong enough to accept whatever your past holds  and move past it . 

Not healthy but relevant . 

Secrets are a weapon , a much worshipped weapon , holding the power within themselves , to destroy one's life , rewarding certain other with a victory . 

My door burst open and Aayushi came inside  in a bathrobe , her hair dripping wet . 

"Hey !!! , You didn't even think about what you are planning to wear yet ?" she asked her expression bewildered . I looked at the time and saw it was 6 already . We decided to leave at 8 . Ohh God I actually got so caught up in my own thoughts .