Small Doses

Chapter 17: Gulf

The night is exhilirating. It's been a while since I enjoyed my night with the company of someone I am interested at. After we watched the sunset, we grilled some barbecue and drank some beer when we got back to the house. We are sitting in the backyard looking at stars.

"So how's Cranfield? Is it as good as Warwick?" He asked then he drank beer from his bottle.

I laughed,  "Yeah, I know your school has the edge for undergrads. If i continue with my post grad though, I'd definitely choose Cranfield."

"Do you plan on doing a masters?" He asked.

"Not right now since I am still trying to impress my boss." I said kidding him.

"So you've reserached about me?" He's indirectly asking about how I know he is from Warwick U.

"Of course. I had to do that, you wanted me to work for you. Besides, at the fund raising, everyone looks like they know you. You weren't hard to find on the net." I said.

"What else did you find out about me?" He asked curious.

"Hmm, nothing much really, I read once about how you built this company from the ground up five years ago. I also watched the interview you did once on Channel B about how you think startups weren't really given enough acknowledgement as they should. You said something about corporations getting an easy pass when startups should be given credit to the fast paced growth in technology." I see him smile. "Why are you smiling?"

"Nothing much huh?" He said.

"Well, those are public records. I wanted to know more about you on a personal level." I said.

"How about you Gulf? What's your story?"

I laughed, "You are tricky Mew. But okay, if you don't want to talk about yourself, I'll talk about mine." I drank my beer, then continued, "I have two younger sisters, both in the UK now. My mother died when I was in college but before that, she and my father already split. My father's business took up all his time, I guess my mother wanted more of him and she can't compete with the business." I looked at him.

"Are you okay with that?" He asked.

"Of course not, but when you're busy being stupid as a kid, you have other things on your mind." I said.

"Why? How were you as a kid?"

"Well, ummm, I think I'm just the same as other kids, self-centered, doesn't really care about the big stuffs, irresponsibile. By the time I grew up, my mother has already left my father. My sisters and I used to split our time with either of them. It only stopped when I went to college."

"How about photography?"

"I love photography, that's how I distanced myself from what's going on inside our home. I especially love the photographic processing in the darkroom. Something about the smell of the chemicals used to develop the pictures draw me to it. Then being able to capture something beautiful, for it to stay with you forever, it's kind of addicting." I turned to him. He looks fascinated with my story. "It's really fascinating Mew."

"I don't think any photograph can capture your beauty Gulf." He is now looking at me so odd.

I blushed from the roots of my hair to the tips of my nails. I laughed awkwardly, "These beer is making me so hot." Then I fanned myself.

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Gay panic is real. Come morning, as soon as I opened my eyes and yesterday's events started flashing before my eyes, "Oh my God." I put a pillow in front of my face and started to panic. "Oh my God." I said while beating the bedsheet. I actually said I'd like to explore my sexuality.

"Panicking?" I took out the pillow off my face and sat up straight. Mew is standing by the door with only a towel covering his waist freshly showered,his crossed arms in his chest. He looks unfazed by all the turmoil I am experiencing.

Panic is now replaced by embarrassment. I feel heat rush to my face and I tried to cover my abdomen with my pillow to hide my morning wood. Mew just smirked and shook his head. He went back to his room and left me.

I lied down again looking at the ceiling trying to calm down. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. I covered my face with my hands. "Stop panicking like something happened between you two Gulf. You are so ahead of yourself." I said out loud.

"Yes Gulf stop panicking and go take a shower,"  that's Mew unexpectedly back at the door smirking again. This time dressed in navy blue tee, dark jeans and barefoot. The necklace nestled in his neck. I sat up again.

"How can you be so calm about this? Aren't you a bit scared I'll change my mind?" I asked exasperated.

"We haven't done anything yet, why panic?" He sighed. "Take a shower then let's eat breakfast. Ben will be here soon." He turned around to prepare breakfast.

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I was clumsy during breakfast. I already spilled the coffee accidentally. Mew of course stood up right away to come fix my mess.

Mew prepared eggs and bacon when I showered. We are now sitting across each other while I am silently contemplating how to proceed from here.

"Hey," that's Mew eating in front of me. "Stop thinking about it."

I really don't get why Mew can be this calm. "Shouldn't you be more concerned that I might have second thoughts about this?"

He laid down his utensils and looked at me, "Do you have second thoughts?"

He looked more serious now if that's even possible. "No?"

"Are you asking me or are you asking yourself?" He said using his CEO tone.

"We're suppose to be in this together Mew."

"We are Gulf, that's why I'm not worried." He looks so sure about this.

"Can I really do this?" I quietly said playing with the food on my plate still thinking about it.

By the time I noticed Mew stood up and went to my side, he was already tipping my face, lowering his head down to me saying, "You got me." The next thing I know, I feel his lips touch mine. His soft lips touching mine. I think I closed my eyes. I think I clasped my hands. I think my blood rushed to my face. I think I breathed. All I know for sure is my heart leapt from my chest and did some thumping so loud, it blocked all my senses.

Then I saw him walk away, to the stairs up to the second floor. I am fozen to my seat. What just happened?

After a few more breaths, I became calm. That kiss actually fixed me.

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We are at the back of Mew's car travelling back to the city with Ben driving us. I glanced at Mew, he is looking out the window. He turned to me catching me looking.

"Are you still having second thoughts?" He asked.

"No." I said then I looked at the window.

I felt him hold my hand, "I've been where you are Gulf, so I know how hard this can be for you. You are not bound to anything, not even to me. If you realize this is not really you, I'm not going to stop you. Giving me a chance is already enough. So right now, why don't we enjoy it, okay?"

"Okay, Mew." Mew calms me, probably one of the world's greatest mysteries.