Small Doses

Chapter 43: Gulf

The garden was already magnificent yesterday. But today with all the pink and white flowers scattered around the garden, it just looks perfect. I just hope my gloomy mood will not ruin Olive's wedding.

I can't seem to get Mew's retreating back yesterday out of my mind.  He looked conflicted. He looks like he is not yet ready for me. If only I can say the same for me, but it's really not. I miss his confident devil-may-care attitude.

These past three months had been torture for me. The look on his face the last time we talked was of someone who felt lost. I didn't want to let go then, I still have a lot to give. I still have a lot of making up to do. But that look stopped me. It's something I will not be able to fix and might worsen if I don't give him space.

But I have prepared myself for when he is ready to open his heart again. I have reflected on the what-could-have-beens if only we reacted differently. For one, I should have known what I really wanted when we were together. I should have paid more attention to the things that matter to me most. The price I have to pay for being too engrossed with myself was too high.  I lost him. Here we are now though. I'll prove to him that love is really sweeter the second time around.

I haven't seen him yet. If I'd guess, I'd say he is sitting in his car killing time and would probably come out only when it's time to march.

I am standing in a shade at the back of the garden. The leaves covering me from everyone's view. A few minutes before the enoturage marches,  I see him. He just entered the garden. He is wearing the pastel pink coat and tie with a striped pink and white undershirt which Olive forced us to wear. I know because when I complained about it, she said, I sounded just like Mew.

The flower girl who sat on his lap yesterday approached him and tugged his hand. He looked at the girl and he sat on his haunches so he can look straight at her. He said something to the girl and the girl hugged him. He hugged back and smiled. God, I miss that smile.  I took my phone out to get a shot of him just like I did yesterday. I am reduced to this, happy with seeing glimpses of him even from a distance. I wish today is the day he will finally talk to me. I'm not even hoping for too much, baby step will do. I am okay with baby steps.

The organizers are calling us to get ready. I walked to him. He saw me approach, then he stilled inspecting what I'm wearing. Yes Mew, we match, blame it on Olive. Then he nodded. I guess a nod is fine too. Whatever you can give Mew as long as you notice me.

The music started and we marched slowly. At one point, his hand brushed to mine and sent electricity all over my body. He walked farther from me as if stung by a bee. I released a breath. You can do this Gulf, don't be discouraged by this futile thing. We separated at the first row and stood in the corner chairs. Mew looking at the entourage while I looked at him.

Someone tapped me at the back and signalled for me to be ready. I walked to the piano situated at the side of the gazebo. I am to play it when the bride marches while her cousin sings for her. I learned piano for Mew. I hope this little tribute tugs at his heart.

The organizer signalled for me to start. I looked at Mew who is waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle. Then I started to play.

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Oh, shall I stay, would it be a sin
Oh, if I can't help falling in love with you?Like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to beTake my hand, take my whole life too
Oh, for I can't help falling in love with youOh, like a river flows, surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes, some things are meant to beOh, take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
Oh, for I can't help falling in love with you