Small Doses

Chapter 21: Gulf

Last night there was a war going on in my mind. The need to take control or to submit to Mew. One thing is for sure though, it seems that my mind and body is becoming in sync with the fact that we are both men.

I am starting to be comfortable with it, but at the same time, afraid of what this could mean. I want to explore it, but am still cautious having anyone else know about it. Mew looks like someone who can tolerate my whims at a certain extent only .

I am unpacking some of my stuff when I keep going back to last night.

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I see him moving closer to me, pressing his lips to mine. I feel the hunger in his kiss and feel his hand on my nape sending jolts of electricity. I felt his tongue explore the recesses of my mouth. It's intoxicating, that feeling of getting drunk, i feel consumed, wild, free. There was nothing soft about it. It came too strong like a wave engulfing me as if claiming me. I felt myself drowning, trying to hold on to what little sanity is left. I held on to his hair while his hand was all over me, my mind couldn't keep up with his touch. It was in my nape, my spine, then I felt it in my flesh, massaging like a lover's promise of ecstacy. His tongue travelled to my pulse and it awakened that part of me that seldom loses control, control I was willing to give up for a taste of what's to come. I was close to losing my mind, close to letting him take over and become a puddle of mess. Then just like that, he splashed me with cold water. He said, "Stop playing with me Gulf. You'll just lose."

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I woke up from my stupor. With how fast this is going, am i willing to give up control?

Knock. Knock.

Mew is at my door. I opened it. He stood there out of breath, sweating but still looking hot and out of place with the boxes still left outside my place. He is wearing a plain white old shirt and faded jeans with his Gucci sneakers. Who wears Gucci this way? Only Mew.

"What happened to you?" I asked.

"5 floors Gulf. There's no elevator here." He said.

"You go to the gym everyday and you complain about 5 floors." I said while giving him way to get in.

"I walked from my place to yours." He said.

"What?! Why?" I asked incredulously.

"I wanted to know how many minutes it would take me in case I need to do this in the future." He said.

"What logic is that?" I said handing him bottled water.

He opened his water and drank it in one gulp. I see the water travel to his throat. I see his veiny hands as he grips the bottle. His stance radiates confidence. Mew is so manly, how will I ever top him? Get your mind out of the gutter Gulf!

"My logic. Anyway, how can I help?" He asked.

"Let me tour you to my place first." We walked to the four sections of the loft. "This is the kitchen, bathroom there. It faces this section, which is my darkroom, then beside the darkroom is my bedroom. This area where we're at is the living room."

He looked at the place thoroughly inspecting the bare bricks of the walls, then he starts nodding. "Looks good, but you still have a lot of boxes outside, I don't know how they will fit here."

"Oh don't worry about the boxes, most of it goes to the darkroom. I'll take care of it. You can help with the kitchen and living room stuff though."

"I can do that." He said, flexing his arms. "Where do you want to put the sofa?"

I smiled. It's so obvious he has never done this before.

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It was around 5pm when we finished with the heavy lifting, what's left are mostly arrangements of lighter stuffs.

Mew of course can't sit still until everything are in place. I sat on the sofa while he is taking out some plates and glasses from the last box for the kitchen. Then he took it to the sink and started washing it.

"What are you doing Mew?" I asked tiredly.

""You can't just put them in their places until they're clean." He said.

I rolled my eyes, "Whatever . Do you want some beer?" I bought us beer and put them in the fridge even before he arrived.

"Sure. I'll get it." He got two from the fridge and gave me one. Then he looked at the boxes in the darkroom. "Do you want me to help with those?" He said while pointing at the boxes.

"No I'll do it." I said. My pictures and photography paraphernalia are very personal, I just don't let anyone touch them.

We both are now sitting at the sofa just staring at the powered off television. Then Mew just said out of the blue, "Do you want to continue what we left off last night?"

I almost choked on my beer. I looked at him. "Where did all your shyness go?" I asked.

"I was never shy Gulf."

"You were never as direct before. It even takes me a lot of pushing for you to talk." I said.

"I was being patient Gulf, not shy."

"So you're not patient anymore?" I asked.

He is looking at me intently again, the way I saw him do a couple of times last night. "I don't want to just wait for things to happen now Gulf. I want them to happen."

I stared at him, trying to decipher how I can move forward with this and still preserve myself and not be lost along the way. i just can't figure out how he is becoming a big impact in my life. I want to slow down.

Ring. Ring.

My phone is ringing. I broke eye contact and got my phone from the table. I checked the screen. Diane?

"Hello?" I said on the phone.

"Gulf?"

"Yes Diane?" I said then stole a glance to Mew. His brows knitted together.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but can we see each other now? I just need your help. I don't know anyone here." She sounds desperate on the phone.

"Now?"

"If it's not too much to ask, yes." She said.

"Okay, text me where you are. I'll go to you." Then I ended the call.

"What is it this time Gulf?" Mew said, sounding suspicious.

"I am not sure Mew but she sounded desperate. She said she needs help." I said. Then I went to the bathroom to have a quick shower before I head out.

After the shower, I see Mew still sitting in the sofa, with another beer in his hand looking glum. "Hey, I'll just meet her quickly then I'm coming back here right away."

He didn't say anything and just drunk his beer.

I got the extra key to the house and sat on the sofa. "Mew, look at me. I'll just help her then come back here." Then I handed him the extra key. "This is a key to my place, the only extra one I have. I am giving it to you. I hope this helps you ease your mind. I'm going now." I said, then moved closer to him and gave him a peck on the lips.