Finding Happiness

Chapter 33-- The talk

Jane' P.O.V

"Jane, how could you?" He asked all of a sudden.

I paid close attention to his face. I could see dark circles under his eyes. It was obvious how tired he was. For the first time, I could read his expression. He wasn't hiding his emotions.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You know what I'm talking about. You left. What happened to us?" He asked painfully.

"Are you kidding me? Are you seriously asking me that question? Need I remind you that you__" He cut me off before I could finish.

"You didn't hear me out. You didn't give me a chance. You didn't let me explain, Jane," He said getting angry.

"Listen to me. There was nothing to explain because I saw it and__" He cut me off again.

"You listen to me! I'm gonna talk and you're gonna listen. It is not gonna be like the last time that I let you walk away. I always let you talk and say whatever you wanted to say, but not today, because you are gonna sit down and listen to me," He raised his voice. I decided to sit down.

When he realized he yelled at me, he closed his eyes for a few seconds and opened them again. His eyes look much calmer than before.

"Look, I've done lots of things that I should regret, but I only regret one or two things. What happened to us is one of my biggest regrets. I've done nothing but wish I could take that day back. I wish I wasn't mad at you that morning. I wish I didn't give her the audience," He said out loud but sounded like her was talking to himself.

I didn't say anything.

"But... Jane, you called off our wedding. That punishment wasn't good enough, you also decided not to tell me you were pregnant. You ran off with MY child. You disappeared with our son. I don't understand how you could be so selfish. No matter what happened between us, Jane, you shouldn't have let him suffer for it," He paused.

I could see he was hurt. I know I messed up.

I could see him struggling to hold back his tears. I bit my lips to hold back my tears. It still hurts me to see him hurting. Knowing I'm partially to blame makes it worse.

"I wasn't there when you were pregnant. I wasn't there to experience it with you. I wasn't there the day he was born, Jane. You took that chance away from me! Something I can never take back. He is my first child for crying out loud, Jane. I missed four years of his life. Four years, Jane! My child doesn't even know me. Do you even know how that feels? I wasn't there when he said his first word. I wasn't there when he took his first step. Can you imagine how that makes me feel? I can't even imagine what he thinks of me and that's because of you, because of your selfishness. You know how much I wanted that with you. We both wanted a family better than the ones we grew up in. Do you know what I went through when you left? Huh? I'll tell you. I became a drunk. I had to go to rehab. For Christ's sake, Jane! I lost it, all because of you. Because I couldn't spend a minute without you, because I couldn't forgive myself for hurting you. But you did the worst by taking my child away from me, by depriving me of my rights. You stole something that important from me," He said in a brittle voice, running his hand through his hair angrily.

I've never seen a man so hurt. I never imagined he would be this hurt by my decision.

I couldn't stop my tears anymore.

I did leave for selfish reasons. I didn't tell him because I was so mad at him.

We both wanted children. He was always happy when we talked about having kids. He had the right to know, no matter what, but I deprived him of that.