second chan(g)ce

Part- 30

Avinash POV continuation:

From that day i started to hate her... But inside my heart is different... Whenever I see her with any other male my heart started pain.... Like it's going to burst... But I hate her... She is also like her... If i started to love her, she will leave me...

Avinash Positive mind: But why didn't you want baby... She/ he is your baby right? What is the mistake of the baby... If you think Anu is money minded or like your birth mother... What about the baby... Ahhh.... Are you that level of steel hearted person.... You rejected your own baby....

Avinash mind voice: No! When she told me about pregnancy... I don't know how express my happiness... I am out of the world..... But what if she leave baby also like her.... I want my baby raise with mother love... I know how important mother love for every baby and in their life... because I struggled because of that..... I can see that she is very caring towards our baby....she will raise better.... What if she left baby after some months or years.... Aghhhhhhhh i can't think clearly.... Why! Why! Why all these happening to be .... I want to trust her..... that's why I wanted to be with her as a friend to chenge myself... To improve my mental health.... I thought everything going very well...

When her came inbetween our dinner date... It made me furious... That day i got new information about... She doesn't have any girl friends... All boy besties.... I am not narrow minded like girls not allowed to have boy besties... But i don't know why that news got me.... And made me soooo mad .....

After that when  Raj sir scolded Anu at office for wasting time... I thought she will come to me.... I waited for her.... Come to me... that's why I didn't defended her infront of Raj sir.... I acted like I don't care about her...in reality i care for her.... But she didn't came to me.... What made my blood  boiling , she came back with smiling face from Raj sir cabin....

All the office members started to gossiping about her and sir... Even he carried her when she got unconscious....that day i have confirmed " She is just like her" exact copy of her"..... that's why I posted their photos on office website with some captions... It's became huge controversy.... When she came to ask me about this ... I accused her with harsh words.... i know it will hurt her....but what she told me that It broken my heart..... she is going to marry someone else....  She proved me i am wrong about whole suitation....Raj sir is like a brother to her.... Actually cousin brother....he himself announced the news Anu is very close sister to him... I am ashamed about myself...

But again I destroyed... Every thing went in vain...

Even after that, when I was upset about these things, she approached me and inquired about my health...
She is a sweet young lady... Whatever I did wrong with her, she is concerned about me.... I'm not deserving of her....

With Ameer and Raj, I even said some really embarrassing things about her... That makes me feel terrible... Why am I acting in this manner? Why can't I trust Anu after all of this...

She is suffering a lot because she was married to me... She is in a lot of pain.... I am the villain in her life.. I am unworthy of any happiness in the world... But I can't get out of this either.... Why.... Why....

I've been having wet dreams about her now.... Do you enjoy practising intimate physical activities in your dreams?( My inner negative mind mocking me lot ) I'm going insane.... I wanted to give her a hug... Kiss her.... It isn't only about the physical.... That's not everything.... How can I confront her? I don't deserve anything, so how can I talk to her....

she even started to cook for me.... I like her... That day when she cooked biriyani and asked me to eat with her.... Its heaven.... Not only biriyani... Her closeness that's what I missed these days ... Without thinking I said.... I love you to her.... It made her shock.... Even myself also got shocked about my inner feelings... But i don't deserve her... After all what i done with her... So i managed some what by saying" I love your briyani"...

Now I am sure about my inner feelings" i am in love with my wife".... But i can't say that.... She will not accept me... I deserve this... Because I am mentally unstable person... She is very caring, lovely and beautiful person... She deserve more.... Not me....

Even after this.. whenever she talk with any other men... It made me feel jealous... Yes i am very jealous.... But i can't do anything... Like she said ... She is more deserving to have good man in her life as a life partner....

When she asked me about my marriage after our divorce... I don't said anything... Because I don't want to divorce her .... I am not going to marry anyone after divorce.... " I love you Anu! I want you and our baby... I love you damn it! Don't leave! I am sick of this life! It's confusing! Please help me! Please help me to get out of this confusing mind.... Mental problem.... please Anu! Love you" i wanted to say this... But i just stood there without saying anything... This made her think I am going to find another girl after divorce....

I started to have different dreams about Anu leaving me.... Happy in her new life... My baby didn't know me as her/ his father.....it's became routine of my night.... I started to have nightmare....

So i decided to tell her about my feelings... If she wanted to give a chance.... Second chance... I gladly live as slave for her... If she don't want me again... I will not distrub her....

But again I spoiled everything.... I am bad omen... I don't deserve anything....

😘😘😘