He's Just My Best Friend | a Kakashi love story

Chapter 42

I stood in front of my parents' graves for hours, not knowing what to say. Not being able to tell them what happened, even though I'm sure they already know. I finally kneeled down, and decided just to do it.

'Hi Mom, Father. I'm sure you guys already know, but I wanted to tell you. Sasuke killed Itachi.' Tears started forming in my eyes. I didn't even try to stop them. I spent the day yesterday figuring out my feelings. I was angry with Sasuke. I was angry with Itachi. I was devastated that Itachi died, and that it was Sasuke who did it. He took away the one person who could answer my questions about the massacre. Something felt so off when Itachi died. Everything about the massacre felt off. I wanted answers. And Sasuke took that away from me. 'I know I've disappointed you guys. I failed both of them. I cried on a mission. I'm sorry.'  I was sobbing now. I hated that I let my parents down. I should have taken over the clan when I had the chance. I should have never let Itachi bear the burden. I should have looked harder for Sasuke. 'I'm so sorry, Mom, Father. I failed in so many ways.' I sat there for awhile longer, looking for more words, but they never came. I couldn't find what I wanted or needed to say to them.

"I thought I might find you here." Kakashi said and sat down next to me, throwing an arm around me. I leaned into his embrace and began trying to calm myself. I knew if my father was here I'd be disappointing him by crying in public. We sat in silence for several minutes while I controlled my emotions. I was constantly grateful that Kakashi was here. I didn't know how I would have gotten this far without him. "It's not your fault. You shouldn't be upset with yourself over something that Sasuke chose to do." I nodded. I didn't agree, but I didn't want to argue about it.

"If we found him sooner, I could have helped him." I said softly after a few more minutes of comfortable silence. Kakashi sighed.

"I don't think you could have. Sasuke is more stubborn than you are, which is impressive." He teased. I rolled my eyes. "He made up his mind when he was 7 that this is what he wanted. Nothing you did could have changed it." That wasn't entirely true. I tried too hard to protect him as a child. I shielded him from my emotions and from the truth.

"I could have told him my suspicions about Itachi. I could have told him my part in everything. I could have been home more, and been willing to ask for help. There's a lot I could have done differently, Kashi." I said, barely above a whisper. Not telling Sasuke the truth was one of my biggest regrets, and I may never get the chance to fix it.

"You did the best you could." Kakashi tried to reassure me. "We were 21 when you took him in. You said it yourself that you didn't know what you were doing, and not only that, you were grieving too." I nodded. "You have to remember that you and Sasuke are different people. He handled his grief differently, and you're not responsible for that." I nodded again. He made it sound so logical. But I felt totally different.

We sat in silence for a while longer. I didn't want to talk anymore. I just wanted to sit and wish that I hadn't failed my parents. It was the one thing I never wanted to do, even when I resented them, and here I was. A failure.

"I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to do something. You can say no if you're not up for it, but you'd be better at it than me." Kakashi stated. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure." I shrugged. "What is it?"

"Jiraiya is dead." I gasped. How? In my mind, Jiraiya was unbeatable. He was a legendary sannin. "He went against the leader of the Akatsuki and died in battle." I nodded.

"How is Naruto?" I asked. He must be crushed. Jiraiya was like a father to him. I mean, he spent three years with no one but Jiraiya. I imagine he's feeling about like I am at the moment.