Chapter 42

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Essence  

 
Staring in Lucas’s eyes, opening my mouth to speak, the door opens.
 
Walking into the room the male nurse spoke, “Good morning Ms. Essence. I see you are popular this morning.”
 
“Lucas has been here the entire time, my brother, and Mr. Perez got in last night.”
 
“I got here as soon as I heard baby sister.” Andre looks up at me with hurt etched on his face.
 
“Soon as I get her vitals and she takes her medicines; you all can catch up.” The nurse tells us.
 
Once he was finished with everything, leaving out the room Lucas spoke, “Mr. Perez would you mind coming with me to get all of us some breakfast. I know Essence doesn’t want to eat this hospital food.”
 
“No, I do not,” I say laughing, continuing, “I have had enough of hospital food.”
 
Lucus and Mr. Perez left the room.
 
“Essence”
 
“None of this is your fault, Dre. Don’t take on this burden.”
 
“It’s like I couldn’t protect you then, and I can’t protect you now. What kind of big brother am I?”
 
“A great one, Dre. Do you remember when I said I wanted to play t-ball, I was practicing swinging the bat and accidentally broke a lamp? Momma was furious. She went to get her belt and was ready to whoop me, what did you do Dre?”
 
“I took that ass whooping for you. I told momma it was me.”
 
Patting the bed, Dre comes sitting beside me. Resting my head on his shoulder while continuing, “I was in my room crying hard,”
 
“And I said why are you crying, I’m the one who got the whooping.” Andre states.
 
“You said I will always protect you, little sister.”
 
“Essence, how much have I protected you though? Looking back, they had me doing all the sports or after-school activities, I can recall you being at maybe five games from me playing from elementary to high school. All the lame excuses they would give. It never crossed my mind something was happening to you, and when I learned about it, it was too late damage has been done.”
 
“Andre it’s not your fault.”  
 
“No, it’s not, but I should have known something was wrong. I will not make the same mistake with Kendric.”
 
“Dre”
 
“Have you or Lucas thought about this situation because it doesn’t seem like it? Lucas is a great man I will never deny that. He is an outstanding father to Kendric.”
 
“But what Andre.”
 
“This is going to do more harm than good to Kendric. I agree, he does need his mom in his life without question he does, but why to give him a false family hope, Essence?”
“I grieved for my son for six years and at times I still do when I leave from being around him. I’m tired of grieving and my son is alive. Why are you being like this? Why don’t you want me to be in life as his mom?”
 
“I do want you to be his mom, it's just you and Lucas are going about this the wrong way. Kendric is six years old, he is about to learn his mom is alive, whom he was told was dead. That’s a lot for anyone to take in, whether young or old. Then you two are going to say we are going to raise you and be family only we are not going to be a complete family. Mommy and daddy are not going to be together however we are going to live together. Now, when you or Lucas decides to date again what exactly is Kendric supposed to do or say then. Let’s just say five years from now Lucas gets engaged. What are you going to do then? Are you going to live with them or find your place? Then it starts with Kendric being bounced back and forth. Baby sister, I love you and I love my nephew. I wholeheartedly support you being a mother to your son it's long overdue but don’t give him this family that is not going to happen. What if Kendric says I want my yall together or what if he says why can't we be a real family like my friends. What if he says why can’t my parents give me the family I have been longing for? You and Lucas moving in together being this “perfect” family for Kendric is a “perfect” lie. Don’t even be like we can try, that’s forcing something that’s not there. Kendric is about to be hit with a lot, don't make it worse on him. That’s all I, asking sis.”
 
“Lucas and I love Kendric.”
 
“I know this, that’s why you both need to do right by him. Stay a few weeks, find a place nearby but don’t move in making Kendric think his parents are together or will be together unless you want to be with Lucas.”
 
Silence fell over us as Andre's last statement leaves me puzzled.
 
“Essence,” Andre says my name as the door opens revealing Mr. Perez and Lucas.  
 
“I know the answer is,” Andre says, placing a kiss on my forehead.
 
“Are we interrupting you all?” Mr. Perez questions with worry evident on his face.
 
“No, sir, we are just talking. What did yall get for breakfast?”
 
“You got light and soft foods,” Lucas states as he takes the food out of the bags.
 
While eating, Mr. Perez looks full of concern, as something is weighing heavily on him.
 
“Dre and Lucas can yall get some art supplies for me. I want to draw some pictures for Kendric.”
 
They both look at each other then back to me.
 
“Alright, anything else?” Lucas asks.
 
“No, that’s all. Thank you.”
 
Watching as they left out my eyes went to Mr. Perez.
 
“What’s wrong?”
 
“I wasn’t here to stop him or them, I couldn’t save you this time either, Essence.” He tells me as tears well up in his eyes.
 
Tears forming in my eyes, “Mr. Perez”
 
“Essence, I know I’m not your dad or even a parent of yours, but you have always been the daughter I never had, and seeing you like this, everything from the past, it hurts. I feel helpless.”
 
As he spoke, tears cascades down my face.
 
“Even when you were in school and I knew something was wrong, I should have taken action at that time. I was torn. If I would have helped you, would things have gotten worse for you, would they pack yall up and move away? All I know is as your father I would not have never allowed any of this to happen to you, and me seeing you as my daughter and not able to protect you breaks my heart. I’m so sorry, Essence.” He states as he breaks down crying.
 
“Mr. Perez, you are right and wrong, you are not my biological father, but you are and always have been the only parent I have ever had. So many times, I wanted to tell you or go home with you to be safe, but I didn’t want them to hurt you in some kind of way, so I kept quiet. You have done more for me than either of them ever has. My son is going to know he doesn’t have one grandfather, but he has two. Kendric, Dre, and I are blessed to have you in our lives.”
 
“I love you, Essence,” he says, hugging me.
 
“I love you, too.”
 

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