Five's A Crowd

forty three

An overwhelming sensation fills my body, at the prospect of not being enough. I've spent my entire life under my mother's wing. She loved and cared for me no matter what. In her eyes, I was always good enough, despite every mistake, I must have made along the way.

In this house though, I am not sure that the same rules apply, or if any of those 'self love' affirmations exist. So far, I haven't seen any sign of them. 

It was my decision to join my brother's mafia, and I even went as far as pushing the matter, so it rolled in my favor. However, after that intense training session with Axel, I'm unsure about whether my effort was what my brothers are looking for.

I have no previous self-defense training, no incredible accuracy, and feel bad at the thought of hitting someone.

But now, I'm too deep into the deal to back out of it, and after all, I want to make my deceased mother proud, my so called deceased father proud, and my all of my brothers proud. And I can't do that, if I'm hyperventilating on the floor of a boxing ring, believing that everything I do isn't good enough.

I slowly take control of my shaking body, and bring myself up from the floor, in an attempt to get a grip of myself. Right now, I'm just spiraling into an uncontrollable state, that will get out of hand, if I don't pull myself back together very soon. 

With both of my hands, I wipe the excess tears off my face, and try to get the redness to disappear, by fanning myself, with a single hand. I lean against the boxing ring's ropes, to stabilize myself, as I regain my previously lost confidence. 

Without another word, I trample out of the dim exercise room, off to where Axel left. I seem tp have lost my bearings, so it takes me a while to find my way back to where my room is located. 

The second I enter my bedroom, I pick up my phone, and check to see whether I have any messages from people. Surprisingly, there aren't any. This fact does nothing to make me feel better, and if anything, it fuels my sadness, further. 

I bounce on my bed, and begin scrolling through Instagram, to see what's new in everyone's lives. Taylor Swift is going on tour again, but because she's so famous, that's not a shock. She's famous, rich, and beautiful. Everything I aspire to be. 

But unfortunately, I'm none of those things. 

Dolly posted on her camera roll dump profile, and before I even look at the images, I like the post, knowing that it's the polite thing of me to do.

When I begin scrolling through the pictures, I notice that several of them are of me and her, or up close images of just me.

This small thing lightens my mood, and I even have the audacity to let out a hearty chuckle. Dolly always knows how to lift my sour attitude, even if she isn't aware of what she's doing. 

I sigh, and decide that it's a good time to take a shower, since I probably smell worse than cow shit, and have blood coming from small wounds, that Axel inflicted.

I strip of my dirty clothing, and hop inside the shower, watching in satisfaction as the room fills up with fog, from the intense heat. 

I just happen to be of those people who sings in the shower, and I don't let my unhappy mood stop that.

I start singing my heart out, to an unnamed tune, until I feel like my body is scrubbed, and soaked enough.

When I'm done, I grab a towel, and wrap it around my naked body. I check that my bedroom door is locked before allowing my towel to drop to the floor.

I glance at my full sized mirror, and pick out each flaw of my body, starting with my hunched shoulders, and ending with my uneven ankles. 

As usual, I dress in a Taylor Swift shirt, which states in bold white writing 'shake it off.' And since it's night time, I decide against wearing jeans, and instead put on a pair of grey sweatpants. 

I skip down the stairs, despite the dull ache in my body, from where Axel hit me, less than an hour ago. 

I see everyone sat around the dinner table, with a plate in front of them, filled with yummy looking food. However none of them have started eating.

Oop- 

Were they waiting for me, before they started?

"I'm coming, guys," I exclaim, dramatically, "but you didn't have to wait."

At this sentence, Matteo frowns, which causes lines to form against his forehead. "We're a family, Hazel. We eat together every night. It is one of the only things we do as a family."

I hum in agreement, before seating myself on my usual, which already has a plate of food waiting for me.

It's my favourite meal. Mac and cheese. 

"Dig in, everyone," Matteo claims, pounding his knife and fork against the wooden table.

Without any other words having to be said, everyone begins eating dinner, and for majority of the time, the environment remains silent. 

It allows me to have time to myself, where I'm able to think about how my life it going.

Once I have finished, I politely excuse myself, and place my dishes in the sink, before scurrying off, back to my bedroom, but I'm stopped, at the room's threshold.

"Can I talk to you, Hazel?"

It's Axel, and he has my upper arm in a rough grip

A/N: Hey guys, thank you so much for reading. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE VOTE, COMMENT, AND READ WHEN I GET A CHAPTER OUT TOMORROW. I have a plan for where this book is going, I just need a little support. Also, thank you very much for 22500 reads and over 1k votes- 1115. (I know that it's not a lot,) but to me, it means the world. Keep slaying in life, and I will see you tomorrow night- or day depending on where you live- when I update tomorrow. Bye <3