Prelude | Sexual Discovery

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"𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒊𝒏, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉."

The words rolled off  my tongue, an echo of the countless nights I spent reciting them with my mother resurfaced like distant memories.

I was intimately familiar with those verses, they had been etched into my mind from a tender age. These verses became the pillars of my upbringing, reminders that desire and lust were sins to be repressed and shunned.

The thing is...as I grew, so did those dark, twisted, desires within me. A tumultuous force that mirrored the very words I repeated with contempt. I constantly battled with my emotions, a ceaseless wrestle of the teaching I had absorbed. Yet, my mother's teachings remained unwavering. The more I rebelled, the more stringent she became as the years passed.

I retaliated at first. The darkness refused to be stifled, its tendrils creeping deeper into my soul, because it seemed that while I was expected to repress, the world around me reveled in indulgence without concern for consequences and because of that my parents became stricter.

Amidst the confines of their expectations, I found relief in secret escapes. Romance novels, hidden beneath my mattress became my secret companions. I had convinced myself that indulging in their fictional tales would not damn my soul. As long as I stayed on the path my parents had set, as long as I remained virtuous in their eyes, there was nothing to fear.

So in the end, they got their wish. I closed the door on the emotions that the great book deemed sinful, shutting out the very essence of my being. I shaped myself into the mold prescribed by my parents, walking the path they had paved for me.

Even as I grew older, even when I got a boyfriend, even when I escaped to college, I stayed on that well-trodden path, suppressing the turmoil brewing within.

But the path failed me. It crumbled beneath my feet when Jeremy, my boyfriend, cheated on me. When he betrayed my trust, leaving me shattered and adrift in a sea of heartbreak.

At first, the pain consumed me, threatening to drown my spirit...but in the wake of his departure, I discovered something else, a profound truth.

As I sat alone, in the still of my room, a new sensation engulfed me. There, in the depth of my solitude, I felt the familiar heat, a beckoning darkness that resided within me. It whispered to me, filled my dreams, calling me to explore, to reclaim control of my life in my own way.

As I tossed and turned in bed, I felt the tendrils of darkness, of desire, twisting around my heart. I made a choice that night. A choice that I would open the door to the emotions I had long repressed, to the desires that had slumbered within me. And as the door swung open, those forbidden desires unfurled from the depths of my being.

I realized then that they had never abandoned me. They had grown silently, steadily, waiting for their chance to emerge.

I vowed never to repress any part of myself again. No longer would I deny the passions that coursed through my veins. I would indulge them to the fullest, embracing the facets of my existence that I had to deny for far too long.

I would tread wherever my heart led, even if it meant venturing into the shadows that society deemed taboo.

Little did I know the depths to which this journey would take me, the darkness and power it would unveil, and the monstrous revelations hidden within.

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