Fracking Apocalypse - a ZNation 10K/Tommy Fanfiction

S4E12

S4E12:

10K was sitting on the roof over the back porch of the two family house they'd found to stay in. He'd taken first watch hoping to add to his count and he'd sniped a handful of old Z's before Warren walked out the back door, exited the porch and waved to him from the backyard letting him know she was taking over for her shift. He stayed where he was looking out at the sky wondering if Red was looking at the same sunset.

"Hey." Sarge said coming up behind him. He turned and saw her opening the window wider so she could sit next to him on the sill. His only response to her greeting was just a hum before he turned his head back and looked out across the neighborhood seeing if there might be any more Z's he could put down. There weren't many, just a couple in the distance and they weren't even hobbling along in the direction of the house. He sighed and leaned his head back on the glass as Sarge tapped her boots against the roof their feet were resting on. After giving him a moment of quiet she spoke up.

"You've seemed distant since Mercy Labs." She began slowly, testing the waters, "More than usual. Doc says that's where you first met Red. Is that what it is? The memories?"

He took a deep breath again, "Part of it." He admitted still not turning to her, "Some of it is. . . Teller's kid."

"Andrew?"

He nodded, "Seeing a kid like that, I dunno, it just. . . stuck with me."

She nodded getting what he was saying. A kid suspended in amber with a bullet hole in his head wasn't something you easily forgot. "Did you and Red ever talk about having a family?"

He chuckled, "We talked about not having one actually." He explained, "Red had a little brother, she was really close to him, so was I. He, he didn't make it."

"Did she have to give him mercy?" Sarge asked.

"No, he didn't die from zombies, that's the one good thing about it. He. . . fell. . . from a cliff." He finally turned to look at her, "He was trying to save someone else who had gone over." He turned away again and looked at his lap, "Red was desperate to find him after, I was the only one she had and I couldn't talk her out of it. She felt like he'd survived but I knew she was in denial. . . I couldn't save her from herself."

"Did she ever find him?" Sarge asked and slowly he began to nod.

"He wouldn't have felt a thing." He replied, "What was left was. . .It was quick. He wouldn't have felt it."

"Sometimes that's all we can ask for." She said bringing a hand to his shoulder. They sat like that for a while more while he thought about how scared 5K must have been. At the end of his fall, when he didn't fly like a crow, when he realized he was going to crash. He must have been scared. And that made something in 10K's gut churn, he could have done more, he should have. That was always the constant feeling he had when thinking about the people he'd lost. He should have shot straighter at that zombie and his Pa would still be alive. He should have given up all the information he had to Murphy and Bailey would still be here. Bailey might have been able to keep 5K from jumping while 10K was still too weak to, then 5K would be here.

He didn't know how much time had passed while he thought about all the what ifs. Rule 21, he reminded himself, Only act on what is, not the what if's. It wasn't until Sarge stretched and headed back in through the window he realized how dark it had become. 

"Come on." She said, "We should get some sleep."

But he didn't move, he stayed sitting on the windowsill with his feet resting on the roof. "I'll be in in a bit. I just, want to forget."

He heard her shuffle back inside before her arms wrapped around him from behind and her voice was by his ear, "You can forget in here."

Her voice was soft but still in her normal tone. He knew what she was suggesting and he knew it would help, like it had been helping every time before. But his mind was clearer this time and he felt more in control. Even as depressed as he was he still turned to her.