Starman | BTS 8th Member | *ੈ✩‧₊˚(editing)

52.

"JISUNG-" Jin yelled. Lucky i had my ears covered. It wasn't the yell that he normally uses the one where he's telling jungkook off for being a minor inconvenience, or Jimin throwing the ball in the house.

It wasn't one of parental authority and it wasn't one of joking.

I dropped down to the floor, desperately picking up the cup, my sleeve going into the liquid. I recoiled, my head going into disarray. i was so Uncomfortable.

I bit my lip hard and looked at the cup.

"jisung- if you're not gonna clean it up-" jin snapped and i dropped the cup.

Mixed emotions churned my stomach around.

I held my breath as i heard him walk to the other end of the kitchen.

"move" he stood over me, a mop in hand. I looked up at him as he leaned on the mop for support.

I stared at him, the edges of my vision going slightly black.

My chest was tightening. I couldn't move. Panic. I wanted to cry, badly.

"jisung-" his voice shook. Why was jin suddenly angry?

I quickly moved, slipping lightly, hitting my arm as i did so.

My trousers are wet. So is my sleeve.

The other members in the living room looked beyond confused.

I regained myself and drew myself up to my full height. I walked to my room quickly avoiding all eye contact.

I slammed my door, tearing off my jacket in desperation, and clawing at my jeans.

Angry when my hands became wet. It was sticky. I let out a sob that i had been holding in.

Why was he shouting? At me?

Why did he look at me with such disgust?

Did he finally realise that i was not as good as he thought i was?

My knees gave way and i finally felt the pain in my arm

I couldn't breathe. I felt suffocated. 

The voice in my head was taunting me.

I hated everything, i felt so angry yet so upset at the same time, overstimulated, i wanted to rip my hair out.

More tears spilt out. And the words in my head grew louder. I stuck my earphones in, wanting to drown them out.

Even the music felt muffled. I slammed my fists down on the floor in frustration. I dug my nails into the sides of my face.

I sniffed, looking in the mirror. My eyes were red. Puffy, from the constants wiping.

The sun was setting. Early, as days were getting darker.

So gold light poured into the hallway small shadows appeared as the door moved slightly.

I swung my bag over my shoulder. I stared determined at my shoes near the door.

All you need to do is walk past, don't lower your head, that draws attention because you don't usually lower your head.

Just put your shoes on, and leave. And that i did. Successfully.

It got difficult when it came to my laces. But after a moment of confusion, i gave up, leaving the dorm, shoes untied.

The members noticed nothing.

Thank god. I don't want to be anyone's concern.

I smiled slightly as i realised i was free.