Starman | BTS 8th Member | *ੈ✩‧₊˚(editing)

12.

Hoseok pov: 

The morning was slow. i know why. it's because of my lack of care. i had stumbled in late. my own fault. the last few days i felt like i had been drunk. yoongi had always said that's what lack of sleep was. its not as addicting as alcohol thats' for sure, but i makes you have the same amount of insanity. 

Only three of the members were awake. Namjoon of course, who would deem it a crime if he missed the sunrise. Jimin, who woke up just so he didn't miss anything and then jin. who kept looking over his shoulder, making me anxious. not like i already wasn't. i blame coffee. i don't like it as much as the others. but i don't have the heart to tell jin. its not that his coffee is special, its just that he loves making it. 

Jisung hadn't come out of his room yet. He would usually join after Jimin, because Jimin always made a scene when he woke up, a loud one. from this, i gather that jisung cant sleep through noise. can i stop thinking about him-?  Maybe he just overslept? but i knew that wasn't it. i just knew it.

jin had stood outside his room and knocked. fuck. he'd noticed to. it was a horrible thought. but i had come to the conclusion the rest of the members didn't care about him enough to question his whereabouts. i was obviously wrong.

"Is he not joining?" Namjoon asked, food halfway to his mouth as jin returned to the table. jins lips formed a straight line. 

Yoongi and Taehyung had joined in the time that jin had been gone. i felt someone brush behind me making me jump. jungkook.

"I knocked a few times but he didn't answer. I don't think he wants to join" jin looked around at everyone, they were all either eating or just sitting gormlessly. 

i glared at my plate. not daring to meet his eye. i know its because of me. after yesterday id be surprised if he wanted to even be in the same room as me again.

"Hoseok?" jin called from over the table. my head snapped up. "are you alright-" 

"i feel sick" i spluttered, standing up and bashing my knees on the table. i had searched through my head looking for the response, and settled for the one closet the truth. 

"no wonder." yoongi tutted. "after yesterday- I'm surprised you're not dead," he muttered. everyone ignored yoongi's response, as everyone knew why id be feeling sick. everyone frowned upon my behaviour of staying late, but no one said anything to avoid being called a hypocrite. 

"he was up at like 3:00 am with his sunglasses on. no clue what he was doing" namjoon said absentmindedly.  i sat down as i suddenly realised i was still standing up and yoongi was looking at me weird.

 "He does that when he gets headaches," Jimin said knowingly. trust jimin to know everything about everyone "gets them when he's stressed"

"he's always stressed." jin murmured while yoongi excused himself, sick of the jisung talk. 

his least favourite topic, but that doesn't explain why he talks about him all the time.

jin was now again at jisungs door, a new sense of determination about him. well if he won't wake up now-

"jisung? jisung. you need to wake up." jin glared holes into jisungs door. no response. 

"jisung-" jin was about to pound jisungs door, with what would of been a great force. 

"Alright-" jisung yelled back.  Jin's fist that was hovering in the air fell to his side. "i heard you the first time." he spat from behind the door. "then why didn't he answer-" taehyungs head perked up, now deciding to be a part of the situation.

i slammed down my phone, getting up. sick of jin not knowing what was going on because in the end, he would never get him out. 

i banged on the door, not allowing jin to have any more door time "jisung."

i heard a bunch of clattering from behind the door. 

"It's me" said tapping at the door, my voice didn't sound normal. 

"Can i talk to you" i pressed my head on the door, closing my eyes, trying to avoid the gaze of the other members.

"no." his voice lacked zero aggression. of course, that's what the others would think.

"please-"

I heard something move, like a chair being scraped along the floor, and then the door opened. through the darkness, i saw his face. he had a glare that made me rethink what i was doing for a few seconds. "fuck off-" he started, his voice barely even a whisper, making sure it was only me who heard his threats. 

but a sudden wave of anger made me force the door open and push him aside. it was rather difficult to push him actually, though he may look weak, i don't think i would want a punch from him. "get out" he hissed wrestling with me for a second, but he couldn't kick me out. the door was already closed. his face suddenly caught the light that was bleeding through the blinds.

tears. his hair stuck to his face and he tried to push it back as he pushed me out. i reached forward and grabbed his shirt. i noticed how bringing him closer was a lot easier than pushing him away. 

"stop." i hissed, bringing his face closer. and he stopped. he stopped struggling.  it was actually quite worrying, how he just stopped. how he went limp as if he had died. i panicked for a moment, i thought maybe he had really died, i couldn't hear him breathing.

i let go, only to feel his face. he must be alive. his hair had covered his eyes, so i pushed it back, wanting to see them. whatever i was looking for, i didnt think it would hurt to look at. but it did. his eyes were red. Red like mine yesterday.

I pulled him into a hug he flinched, stiffening up.

"Jisung I'm sorry." I whispered my voice sounded funny. "I'm so so sorry."

Then he pulled away. Breaking my heart completely. fuck.

He sat down on his bed in silence, so i crouched down in front of him.

"Jisung I'm sorry for how i treated you" my eyes watered at the look on his face. 

"I- didn't mean anything i said" i said putting my head on his knee.
"im not that easy, im not one hug and ill forgive you" he said, but his voice didn't contain the same venom as before.

"i know Jisung, im sorry but please Jisung please" i whispered.

I pulled him into a hug again.

Tears were running down my face. I said some terrible things, and i might ruin this friendship.

"Alright," jisung whispered patting my head as i continued to sob into his chest. His voice sounded shaky like he might cry at any moment.

"Its okay " he stroked my head.

he was so calm it was terrifying. 

"I know you were stressed, you just have crazy high standards for yourself." Jisung looked at me.

"like an idoit." his small smile dropped for a second. he meant that and i deserved it.

I stood up making him look shocked for a minute.

"its ok, ill forgive you" he sniffed, trying to avoid my eyes. at this i finally relaxed. i sat down next to him, pulling him into my chest.

a/n: the original version of this chapter was so shit