The Sunshine Of My Life ✓

Chapter-46 |•|

Chapter dedicated to NidhiMittal8 Thank you for your undying love towards the roller coaster ride of Sitaara and Abhimanyu.

Toxic but beautiful

Author's POV

"You will never leave me?" She asked with tears and snuggled into his body seeking warmness and assurance.

'Or it is also a empty promise like Raj did?' Her heart cried.

"Never" he whispered hugging her closer.

"Am tired" she whispered.

"I know" he mumbled.

"Mentally!" She said.

"I know that" he said caressing her hair.

"Am tired, Mani. I can't take this pain anymore. Every second is adding pain to my already painful and regretful life, it is making me weak. I tried my level best to be strong but...reminding myself to be strong, not to develop any kind of emotions, avoid attachments with people is making me weaker. I Am scared to be alone. I don't want to be alone yet I want it, to stand on promises I made, to stand strong for fulfilling my responsibilities" she cried. He kissed her crown.

"You are not alone. Am there for you. Standing by you doesn't mean that just taking care of you or loving you, it's making your pain mine, your responsibilities mine, your people to mine, everything that's yours mines too, either it's happiness or grief" he whispered cupping her cheek while she looked into his eyes.

"I want you to kiss me" she whispered as a blush crept her cheeks. He looked at her bemused.

"You want what?" He asked shocked.

"I want you to share my pain with this kiss. Will you?" She whispered. He shook his head in no.

"I already told you, I love you, I don't lust you. I don't need this physical thing to share your pain. You always have my back, Taara" he said and kissed her forehead.

"Kiss is not something physical, Mani. It's a pure thing that we do when we seal our vows, express our love, making our bond strengthen" She said.

I hate you.
I hate your touch.
I hate your presence around me.
If feel burn my skin where your filthy hands got laid.
Molester! Molester! Molester!

"You sure? By chance are you testing me if am a self-controlled man or not? If yes, am very much self-control as I told you 1 and a half months ago. I would have done it long back if am not self-controlled" he said bitterly.

"You say you love me but you don't understand me! What kind of love do you have for me?" She asked with tears at his misconception.

'Damn! I screwed up again! This... this is what am scared of! I love you so much that it always turns toxic for you in the end, hurt you and your self-esteem in the end. Why? Why only me?' He thought.

"Never question my love for you, sweetheart. The depth of love I have for you, makes you drown both in happiness and pain, it chokes you to death but provides you with the warmth and assurance you need to survive, it pushes you in dark but makes you feel the beautiful thing you never felt all your life, it will be challenging and also helps you to win, it hurts you to an extent where you can't withstand looking at yourself and also it makes you feel ecstatic to love yourself more and more. My love for you is toxic but beautiful. But you can't say my for you isn't real because I told you it can be toxic too... it's just you don't know me completely...what you see isn't me...am still mysterious, that can't be solved... am mysterious I don't want to discuss about" he said thinking deeply about his every issue.