Losing control

JJ

"So what do think will this be the time we hear that someone did find something?" JJ asks as she waits with Rossi infront of the hospital, waiting for Reid and Morgan to come back out with the results.

Reid had started seeing the doctor that Savannah talked about and it had been disappointing. Reid was beaten down and last weeks they did the last tests and were asked to come in.

"I didn't give up hope yet."

"I didn't either but I just have to think about Spencer in hospitals and I think that sight is worse than him passing out. He hates it in there, its to bright and to loud for him. He is scared of them by now."

"There they come." One look at them and it was clear that it wasn't good news and when you look at the time they spend in there it can't be that they found something more devastating than not knowing either. "And?"

"Nothing. Everything is fine." Morgan says a hand on Spencer's shoulder.

"I am sorry Spence." JJ speaks first approaching him.

"I just want to go home."

"Of course."

"I'll drive you." Morgan offers.

"No it's fine. I will go with JJ."

"Okay whatever you want." Rossi and Morgan watch the two of them as they walk to her car.

"I could use a drink."

"Tell me about it."

"Are you allowed to drink?" Rossi asks carefully. It has been 2 months since Morgan had been kidnapped.

"I don't give a damn."

"Well then my house it is."

Meanwhile JJ has Spencer sitting next to her who is obviously not doing okay but she doesn't know what to say to him either. She wishes she knew which words could comfort him but there aren't any that come to her mind right now. "I am pretty sure Hotch won't mind if you take the day off tomorrow."

"I can work."

"Alright. Is it okay if I walk you up? Just enjoy the coziness of your apartment."

"Yeah, you can do that. I bought cake yesterday we can eat the leftovers if you want."

"Perfect." Together they walk up to the apartment and it takes Spencer hardly five minutes till he faints but comes back to himself quickly and with a mood change. "You were just out for three minutes."JJ says.

"I would appreciate if I wouldn't pass out at all." Angry he gets up from the floor, holding himself against the wall as his legs buckle for a moment. "I don't even know why I agreed to see this stupid doctor, all it caused was me wasting my time. It didn't do anything else."

"You know now that you tried."

"I try to find out what's wrong with me every single day."

"I am sorry Spencer. I am sorry that you live with this but sometimes something's can't be changed. And maybe you will one day find out how to overcome this but right now and I can only imagine how awful this is, the only thing you can do is let this happen."

"I let this happen for the last 13 years." He let's his hand slide down from the wall holding himself on top of a shelf. "I always thought at this age I would be sitting in a psychiatric hospital or I don't know where and somehow this feels like, I don't know I just, right now I don't even know what would be worse."

"We both know which one of the two things is better but stop comparing that. You have your job, you have us and we are here and we will help you if you need help but you are doing so good on your own. Even if this wasn't part of your life, people would still look at you and wonder how the hell you manage to get up every day and just be you. I am proud of you, do you hear that?"

"I am not."

"You should be but believe me there are a lot of people who are proud of you for you."