They deserve it all.

Chapter 20

I look at the room, knowing no one can see me, no one can hear, but they feel my presence, now more than ever. It's what I never really liked about these balconies, to know that they feel me, I never wanted that. If I wanted to go somewhere where no one saw me, heard me, I'd go here, but they could feel me.

I guess that was the risk. Whenever I'd get too angry, or too upset, too happy or too excited, I'd go here, sit against the balusters, and I'd cry or scream or squeal, it really depended on how I felt, but I always went here.

There was a time in my life where I liked it, to not be seen, I did, as long as no one forgot me and they still sorta loved me, then I'd be content. But that's the thing with people, they don't like to leave you alone. Some people find it odd that solitude could be loved, that one would rather sit in a room by herself, music playing, just doing her thing instead of hanging out with friends. It's not that she wouldn't like being with her friends, it's just that there is a limit, one some people don't get or see. And it's the moments where they don't see it, that they tire her, and make her want to leave and to never come back. Questions asked even though she is no longer listening, showing things even though she purposefully blurs her sight so she won't have to see, jokes made even though she so obviously forces her laugh.

It's those moments that make her never want to come back, that create just more fondness to being alone. It's only that feeling alone scares her, she hates it, but cannot escape it with the complication of her brain.

"Thought I felt your presence." A male voice, one like Elliot's, like Elias's, but not quite right. I understand he has to be Royal ... so what went wrong. I immediately fix my posture as I realize he belongs to the crowd that needs to see me as perfect. I don't turn to him, instead I look out over the balcony, down to all the people below us, watching Elias and his father laugh, Elliot and his mother drink. There are no other Royals, it's just us.

"Alistair Asher Alarcon." I say his name without any emotion. To be honest, if the potion works, it'll make me seem as if I'm sparkling, but I kind of don't want it to work at the moment for whatever reason. Maybe because we were old friends, because we went way back, because I always talked to him, because I used to like him. I want him to see me, not the person I made myself out to be, but really me, maybe because he already saw the worst of me and I don't want him to see me as a fraud, maybe because I want him to remember me, the good and the bad, I don't want to pretend in front of him, I'm too tired for that, but he belongs to the crowd, so I have no choice. "Long time no see."

He puts his elbows right on the stone Balusters. He faces me, and only for a second do I watch him, for second do our eyes connect. I look at him and feel this wave of overwhelming sadness crash over me. He looks the same, the same happy boy he once was. The same hair, except it's no longer kinda buzzed, it's longer now and it covers most of his head, it's wavy and seems to have the best blowout ever. His lips are still the same, his skin tone, his nose, his hair color, everything is still the same, except for the scar on the side of his mouth, it leads straight to right under his eye. That and the fact he no longer looks so happy anymore make me feel some way.

And I guess I'm supposed to hate him, but his presence feels comforting. Usually I wouldn't know why, but unfortunately this time it has one reason only, and that is because everything changed in the Anakia I left that day, everything changed drastically, but it seems he didn't so much. He seems to be the same kinda chirpy, happy and content guy he always was, of course he still has that competitive stare, but that's just Al. And though he had two faces, one for me and one for the rest of the people in his life, he still shone through this one, the one that smiled and was happy, not the one that spread rumors and sided with his brother, that laughed with his father and played along with the other students. The face that also could not look at me for as long as 10 seconds. He was still a good boy, he was nice and kind, to almost everyone. Though that doesn't mean he is, it's still nice to feel this way.