They deserve it all.

Why?

I dream of sitting on the clouds, I feel no pressure, feel no stress, just my body and consciousness.

"Hi." She says as she comes to sit next to me. I'm no longer alarmed by her presence, it's fine now, I'm not yet comfortable, but I don't mind her presence.

"Another message?" I ask her.

"Yes." She replies, which shocked me a little bit as I said it for the fun of it. "I needed to tell you that I have the answer to your recent questions."

I turn to her. Now laying on my side, my eyes are wide and I have to form thoughts in my head to make sure I know how I feel, but I can't, all I can do is speak. "Why my dad left me in those Lands for so long?"

She shakes her head.

"Why ... why my mom was so attracted to those men?"

"Nope."

"If I'm just like them?"

She smiles and chuckles slightly. "No, none of those questions."

I huff sarcastically and return to lay on my back. "Not important enough for you?"

"Exactly. Those are question you'd best leave unanswered." Then she smiles and goes to sit on top of me, making the dim light on my face that let the warmth spread over me disappear. "Why don't they want me?"

I sit up slightly, my eyes no longer narrow. "And you have the answer?"

She takes a lock in her finger and spins it around for a bit until I yank it away from her.

"I do." She teases me as she parts her lips and closes them, parts them, closes them.

"Spit it out, will you!"

"Your past. It ruined all your chances." She sighs as she watches defeat fall over my face. "For someone as intelligent as the two of you, I'd expected you to know it already so you must understand my want to tease you of it."

I don't say anything, I just stare at the pink sky in hope of it opening a big black hole and me being able to be swallowed by it.

"And there's nothing I can do?" I say softly.

"That's the second question." She says with a smile, as if it's funny to her. "There is something you can do, but there will be a point you must let go and accept your fate."

I push her off of me, making her stumble back. And I stand up and try my best to keep calm. "You know, you're really fucking annoying, yeah! If you want me to understand what you're saying, be straight forward rather than saying these mysterious things that no one will understand at first sound. Just tell me or shut your mouth! You come in my dreams and you ask me who you are when I can't even see what you look like, and then you come with messages? Like, what are you, do think this is entertaining to me, think that saying such short and weird and unfinished messages with make me sleep better at night?!"

She sighs as she stands up and with a small wave of her hand does a crown appear, a beautiful crown. And she places it right on top of my head. Then 5 shadows of obvious people I've met before appear. She hands me another crown and tells me to choose.

"No. I can't choose these men. They'll ruin everything, I need someone of high—"

"No?" She repeats. "That's the thing about you, you know, you'll never be satisfied. You wish for things that are just not possible and you aren't a person, nor is she, that can understand that. You're just not wired that way." Then she grabs the crown, her now yanking it from me, so hard that I stumble back. "And that's fucking annoying about you! You can't see your own faults, only those of others and you keep living in their mistakes and keep blaming them for what happened to you." She moves closer to me, her breath falling on my skin, her eyes still invisible yet so wide and her grin makes shivers go down my body and up again. "Well, here is another message: everything that happened to you, is because of you and therefore you have only yourself to blame."