They deserve it all.

You, again?

"I chose him." I say as she comes to sit next to me.

"Yeah, I know." She takes a deep breath and it already tells me what comes next. "I'm sorry, by the way, it was shitty of me to yell at you."

I shrug. "It's fine. Thank you though, I guess I was a little too in my head to see it all."

And I guess if she hadn't said all of that, I wouldn't have realized it either. Because I am the young prodigy who was so very mature for her age, that was me, and look at me now. I'm like Rory from Gilmore Girls in the later seasons and it sickens me.

"I'm not dead, am I?"

She laughs. "No, no you're not. If you'd be dead I wouldn't be here and neither would this beautiful view be."

"He said no." I say when it's quiet again. "I don't suppose this happened due to that."

"Well, rejection has it's effects." She smiles. "But no, it's not because of him."

I look at her and she has this guilty look plastered on her face.

"You?"

"The reason I never approached you besides being scared was because you abandoned me. You left me here and I couldn't do anything. But you came back and you had to build up your strength again to adjust to the power you are capable of in Anakia. I ... selfishly took some of that strength to speak to you when you began to doubt yourself and get quiet again. But I guess I took too much."

I nod. "What about this, our time in my dreams, does this take strength too."

She shakes her head. "No. Not exactly." She points to herself. "I am a part of your Willow, and she shoved me aside. And I needed strength to push her away a little bit and I wish I could speak to you during the day, but I can't. So I tried to get in your dreams, but it also took strength from me and it blurred my memory and only gave me a purpose of telling you all the stuff I wanted to tell you all those times." She sighs. "Like, when I first saw you, I thought to myself, how does she not notice all things I notice. And I thought you'd changed, but you didn't, you just needed me, and that's okay. But I couldn't watch with you when you were gone, you had too little strength for that, but something happened, even though you didn't change, you somehow still did and you became a little blinded when it comes to smaller things."

"You mean to say you think I got dumber?"

She looks away and smiles to herself. "I guess. Like, you made a plan but you didn't look at the consequences and you almost, if Elias wasn't so nice in that weird vulnerable way, got Larien in trouble. You also didn't think of the lives of the people's house you intruded. You didn't notice those small things, selfishly you didn't."

I sigh deeply now. Selfishly ...

"What?"

"Nothing ..."

She sits down next to me, looks at me and parts her lips. "What?"

I look away from her, so oddly wanting to say it. "If I really were to be selfish, I wouldn't even be here. Besides that, I'd probably steal loads of money, pay someone to let me live in an illusion for the rest of my years which I could control myself and stay in that beautiful bubble until my time runs out."

I sigh and close my eyes, when I open them Larien is right next to me, tears in his eyes, breath heavy and his hands braiding my thick hair.

"Please, please, please, please-"

I hear him beg for me to wake up and I wonder how long I've been out.