They deserve it all.

Maybe.

The door closes behind us and I stare at him as he sits behind the giant desk in our giant room.

"We done good," He says as he takes a quill in his hand and rummages around for papers he finds under more papers. "Now to prepare for tonight."

I softly, slowly snap out of my trance and I walk towards him and I look at him and wonder if there would be any chance of us, any chance of redemption. But each time I try to think of it, of a possible 'us', Willow speaks and crushes it, tears it up until it is torn, burns it until it is burnt, until the only thing left is a mere breeze of the idea, swooshing in my mind, and I cannot grasp it, I cannot ... I want to, but it is a breeze, a breeze ...

"Yes ... tonight."

"Well, our coronation and acceptance will be tonight just as our wedding, so leaders of all the Kingdoms will arrive and all of them will want something and give something." He slightly turns to me, he doesn't look at me, he turns with his body and his hand and quill in the air, not his eyes, of course not his eyes, the fucking sight he must endure. "Which do you want to take?"

"Which?"

"Yes. I, for example, do not want the Nightfelk Kingdom, they have always had a thing against our Kingdom and I certainly do not want to talk with them as the King had a thing with my father, I don't really know, but it'll be uncomfortable as I cannot look at him fully again. Then the Balkcon Kingdom, the Tapinaly Kingdom and the Gibthota Kingdom are to be discussed—"

"Have you ever even been to a coronation?" I say with slightly more harsh tone than I thought it would come out like. "You cannot choose between these, they are the big Kingdoms, they need to see our strength and they need to fear us, therefore we both need to be there. Kingdoms such as the Ceciona Kingdom on the other hand, they are small and do not need the both us because they fear us enough already. Between those we can divide our presence."

I don't hear him say anything for a moment and I can't read his face so instead I look at his back, at his shoulders and the way his blouse drapes over it. He took his jacket off in a wave of what was supposed to be excitement when we ran to our room, who knows what the people might think we're doing right now, and how disappointing the truth would be, yet also astoundingly true.

"Well ... I suppose." I think he says, but all I really think about is how many times I could stab him right in his back in that position. I think maybe 5 times before he'd slouch off the chair, or maybe twice before he turns around depending on the length of the blade. Either he's dead or seriously maimed. Both of which would make me cry, only one of which would lift the burden off of my shoulders.

"I'll take the small Kingdoms, you take the High Nobles." I say eventually.

He think for a moment, then scoffs as he realizes. "No, that's unfair as it's not equally divided, there are far too many Nobles for me to talk to compared to what, 10 maybe 15 small Kingdoms."

"Yes, well, the Nobles tend to like people who suck up more, I certainly won't do that."

"And I will?!"

"Won't you?" He turns to me, bewildered, confused— looking at me. "You were always the expert. Kissing their behind and all for the benefits—" Before he can interrupt me I shoot my finger in the air. "You said it to me once even, you said 'if it's for benefits that'll wager me more good than bad, then so be it'."

"I never said that!"

"You did, you did!"

He grunts and turns around and when he does, I softly blink a tear away, the thought of this being the life for me. I wish I could bawl my eyes out, wail out how much I hate everything and everyone, but I can't. So the knot in my stomach remains and the odd dry feeling in my throat and my wet eyes must be repressed, they must be ... gone.