They deserve it all.

Chapter 28

I had been running until the sun had already risen. I kept running until I stopped and realized I was much closer to the Grand Castle of the Fairley Kingdom than I was to the Seagrave Kingdom. So I sat down, my stomach threatening to throw out its content and my eyes red and bloodshot from the tears I shed, still grieving the loss because of how annoyingly stubborn I am and how I couldn't just forgive and forget ... or at least fake it.

Willow was with me the whole time, she talked me through eating an uncooked beast, it wasn't that I couldn't do it, I had done it before, but it was that I was shaking the whole time and couldn't for the life of me concentrate.

"I always complained about wanting to be alone and not liking everyone around me to be around me, that I hated everyone and that the world was fucked up and that everything was so unfair ... but now that I am alone and everyone still hates me because of me and my actions and the world is still fucked up and everything is still unfair ... maybe I should have just accepted the deal. I would be angry for a short while, but things should've started looking up from then on."

You can't keep doing this to yourself, Willow, stop it. It's done, over, you ruined your chance with that boy, now move on!

"I don't know if I can move on." I look up at her. "I think he might have been the only one on their side that I actually liked."

Alistair is just like them, Willow—

"No. He was different and you know it!"

We say nothing more for the next hour and instead just sit there before going running to the Castle again. I have a few more miles to go but someone stops me.

"Madam Willow!" I hear someone yell out, someone on a Criel. "Madam Willow!"

I stop running and get prepared to fight, but instead see Larien coming at me. I lower my hands and look at his concerned expression, he sees the Heir to the throne so dirty, red-rimmed eyes, dried blood on my dress, the bottom of the fabric ripped, my hair flying in all directions as I ripped a few locks open to the point where I'd probably have to braid all of them again ... when I realize what he sees I feel the tears stream in and I begin to sob, I sob and sob and sob until I hear Willow telling me it's enough.

I feel this tight feeling, like a rope around my neck and I want to tug at it, to leave it somewhere high and dry and to follow it, but not too much. Yet instead Larien hugs me and he holds me close and he comforts me. And it feels weird because I have always been the one to comfort people. I would do the hugging and the talking and the listening, but not now, and it feels good, better than I thought it would.

"I fucked it up, Larien." My sobs gets softer as I do. "I fucked it up again. I haven't been here longer than a week and I already fucked things up."

"You didn't fuck anything up," He says reassuringly, but it doesn't work.

"I did, Larien, it's what I do, I fuck things up and then cry about it like a baby as if any of it helps."

He presses my head against his chest and hugs me tighter. "You didn't fuck it up," He says so nicely. "You didn't, and even if you did, you could always make up for it."

I take a quick look at him and he seems to actually care for me, this makes me sob harder again but this time with a smile.

"Thank you, Larien, really thank you."

"Anytime. Just tell me what you need and I'll do it. I'll make sure it's done."

We sit down, Willow looking at me with her arms crossed and her brows arched as if she's embarrassed for me. But I ignore her and instead just sit against Larien's chest, slowly beginning to clam down.