Power

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I'm here again. Sitting on clouds, looking around for her.

"Hello?" I call out. But no one answers. "Where are you?"

No one.

I try to relax but I'm so used to her being here that I can't. I still force myself to as there's one place I can relax and that's supposed to be here. I place my head on the silver lined clouds, my eyes squinting at the sky, the sun so beautifully shining on me, the clouds around me floating by me, the different shapes they come in. The odd words that come out of my mouth as I'm looking at them, the weird soft words I speak to myself that stab the clouds crushed, the sounds which I don't hear.

I watch the clouds, the small stars in the skies and I look at them long enough that more appear. And with each second another pops up. Pop. Pop. Pop.

I keep talking to myself until I slightly move my hand up into the air. I look at it and watch as I reach out to something.

"Willow." I hear myself saying. I don't know why it shocked me so much that I said it, but I did, I slapped my mouth shut with my hands and keep them there until I feel I'm ready to hear what comes out next. "Willow—"

"Willow?" A voice says.

I'm so excited to see her that I stand up and let my hands go off of my mouth, making me talk again.

"Willow, I—" I clamp it shut again. She looks at me with a smile and puts her hand on mine, soft skin touching me, her tall legs but shorter than mine stopping before me, with her child like body and her child like hair, her child like clothes and her child like hands. She softly swipes it off and nods to me to stop biting my lips shut. "Willow, I'm sorry."

I say it with a whisper. And she smiles and I wonder how she did it. She moves her lips and mouthed exactly what I said. "Willow, I'm sorry."

"I got some more power." She says with a small smile. "You and Willow fighting?"

I shrug. "We haven't really talked lately. She just kept giving me these flashbacks and ... I don't know, I don't want to think about that."

"About her?" She says. "Emmaline, right?"

My eyes shoot away from anything except her eyes at the mention of her name.

"Like I said, I got more power."

"It was you?"

She nods. "I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. It was taking a lot of energy from me, from us. And I don't know if you remember me, but you used to have a lot of these dreams with me. In order for me to return to be able to do it again or more I have to regain my power. I can only do that by dismantling the power of the other, a obviously dramatically stronger Willow."

"Don't!" I immediately react.

"What? Why not? Doesn't she bother you?"

I choke on my words, something I haven't done for a while and I retract my outstretched hand. "No, of course she does, but I bother her too. Just ... don't weaken her. If you do, she won't—"

"She won't be there all the time." She lowers her head. "It's the only thing she ever had against me. She could be with you all the time."

Shame covers my face and I feel bad for the young kid in front of me, so bad that I almost tell her to just do it. But I don't, I can't. "I'm sorry, I can't be alone all day long."

"But you have everyone around you! I don't! I can't be with you every day, I can barely even be with you anymore because she is realizing I am stealing her powers, I can't keep doing this for very long, it's straining. And if I have nothing to look forward to, there's no reason, and if there's no reason, why even be here and fight ..."

"I want you to stay! I do! But ... at night when I can't sleep for example, when I can't come to you, she's there. When I was struggling, she was there. When I hated everything, she was there. When I thought I knew better, she was there. I know you want to be too, but not at the cost of her, not if I can help it." I shake my head softly, holding her hands in mine. "I love this time I'm having with you, you make me feel good, you know, I forget my worries when we look at the clouds, but you also make me face reality. And I hope we can do this for many years and more, but I can't lose her."

She nods and smiles softly. She blows out a breath and holds my hands and guides me to sit down again.

"How have you been?" She asks.

"Not that you don't know, but fine."

We talk for a bit. About nothing. How I love that. Absolutely nothing. And it brings back memories of Emmaline, maybe she's just acting to be like Emmaline as she knows my memories and relationship with her now, maybe she hopes I'll grow fond of her, as fond as I did with Emmaline, I don't know, I won't say anything about it because I have no protesting issues. But it still sways in my mind, her trying to act like Emmaline. Why? So I'll like her more? I already do. But in that moment I see she is trying to be someone she is not for something she doesn't know she already has. I wish I could say I said something about it, wish I could say I did something against it, to stop it, but I didn't. I just spend the dream, the whole night, talking to her, to a possible copy of Emmaline, something I guess I don't mind at all. 



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-Love, me :)

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