They deserve it all.

Hi.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"So ..."

"Yeah ..."

"Another message?"

"Another message."

The pink clouds move around her face and her eyes are blurry. But I can make out her skin now, it's no longer a blur of different colors, it's like mine, as is her hair. Well, like me when I was younger. Whenever I look in the mirror nowadays I see this girl I'm not. With my covered up skin and my hidden hair, these clothes that are sweeping the floor and concealing shawls, the satin gloves and my awful need to keep myself to not touch my face and whenever Larien does my makeup, which he does now, I keep making him redo it because it's not the same as yesterday and if anyone notices I change my face and the way my eyes are perceived then I'm fucked. And I hate it, because I feel like a liar and I feel like an ass, I feel like a lying ass. And I am. But the person in front of me, the girl in my dreams, she looks like me, when I'm around Willow I feel the way I do nowadays, but when I'm with her, I feel like I'm actually looking in the mirror. She's me. She's really me. My body and all, the girl in my dreams. With her big afro, all black colored except for the few light streaks. My skin, my spots, my rounder eyes, my mismatched colored lips, my eyebrows, my eyelashes, the color difference in the rows of hair. She wears shorter dresses, those that stop at her knees and are fluffy, her sleeves are puffy, her collarbones a little exposed, her eyes ... her eyes though, they scare me because I don't know what I see. I think I see hazel eyes with small specks of green, but at the same time I think I see a light crystal blue with a matching and a lighter purple in it as well, but then I don't see anything. I never minded them, I liked them at times, but it always just make me look ... incomplete. Like something went wrong in my mother's womb. I don't know ... it just freaks me out.

"I needed to tell you that it would all be alright. I needed to tell you to stop worrying and just wait now. Don't make any decisions yet, just wait for it to come to you."

"Will it be that small rat?" I say sitting up. "I like him, sure, he's nice and cute, but I don't want to marry him!"

"Can't say."

"Why? Is it like a canon event and if I know about it, I'll ruin everything."

"Yes!" She say as she points to me. "It's exactly like that."

I roll my eyes with a smile and lay back down on the clouds. Spending the rest of my dream smiling and feeling relieved, spending it with her.

I'm strolling through my garden and just trying to get away from Willow, from my thoughts, and I try and try, but like always, ever since I was 7, I fail to do so. Like always, she is there. She's not talking now, she's just hiding there, watching me. In the beginning, after she reappeared again and then left and then came back again and stayed for a good 6 months until she faded again for a few days and then just stayed, she'd be like this. She'd watch me from afar, but merely watch me, she'd keep looking at me and I felt her eyes and heard her voice judging me and it really made me feel uncomfortable. But I got used to it, I think so at least, I got used to it.

And now she's watching me again, in that corner, her head sticking out and I quickly look at her with a swift movement of my eyes and then look away again as I see her, see myself. She disgusts me. Not her as a being, but the way she looks. It disgusts me. I thought I wouldn't mind the whole covering up and being someone else, being what they want me to be, but I do in some sort of way. I didn't mind completely in the beginning but now I do. Because when I look in the mirror I see the girl I will never be. I see perfection, I see what I was supposed to be, and then, when I go to sleep at night, which I most of the time don't, but when I do, it's almost always in the comforting walls of my potion room, almost always on the floor in the corner, almost always after a meltdown. And I see her when I take my makeup off, when I take a bath and when I put on those long silky covering pajamas's. And then when I wake up again, I start all over.

Lately the makeup has been feeling heavier, the excessive need of fabric to cover every spot on my body weights me down and my hair feel like a fake cheap wig that's eating and itching up my scalp.

In the moment of feeling everything so closely on my skin I begin to breathe heavier until I freak out and rip my clothes off. My shawl is on the other side of the garden, my dress is thrown on the chair next to me. and I'm almost tempted to rip my skin off, or at least roughly shave my hands over the extra layer of fake skin and try to make it budge. But I realize even though I have my own Garden, people can still see me, they'd have to try really hard, but they could if they wanted to, if they knew this garden was even here as all they'd see is plants. In the realization of it all, I rush to put my dress back on, to return my shawl in the right position, to not freak out again.

When I do, when I force myself to breathe normally again, I catch a glimpse of Willow in the corner, still looking at me, stilling laughing softly to herself, still judging me.

"What! What do you want!?" She doesn't move, doesn't change what she's doing. She just keeps laughing at me, keeps looking at me, keeps judging me. "Tell me, you- you fucking BITCH!" I get a hold of a book on the table and I don't look to see what book it is and I hurl it at her. But she turns translucent and lets the book fly through her. Instead she moves to another corner of the room and she keeps laughing, keeps judging, keeps staring. "I fucking hate you! I can't fucking stand you, fucking annoying bitch!"

I take a breath and realize how stupid I'm being and walk over to grab the book I threw and see I smushed the plants here. I quickly try and remember what hair cuff was the one to heal and when I find it and go to open it, I catch another glimpse of her hiding behind the chair and looking at me, staring, laughing, judging. "Fucking bitch. I really fucking hate you." I keep mumbling until I feel her getting closer. "I can't fucking stand you."

The laughing stops. "Yeah, you heard me-" I stop powdering the plants. "I can't fucking stand you! I fucking hate you!"

What ... did I do wrong? She says softly, now in front of me. Her hand placed on my cheek and her eyes so innocently looking at me. Why do you hate me?!

"You have got to be joking me! You're—" I look at her and point at the places she stared at me, laughed at me, judged me. "You ..."

I ... what?

"You did the thing. You- you stood there and you ..."

Are you imagining things again ... maybe you should sleep. And stop the potions, it might not affect you physically, but it's taking a toll on you mentally. How about we just go to sleep.

"Again? Imaging again?" I put my hand on my head to stop the room from spinning. "Alright- yeah ... sleep." I nod and she helps me up, she adjusts my shawl, my dress, wipes away my apparently shed tears. "Let's sleep."

While walking back to my room she holds me, and her arms feel like this blanket warmed with my own body heat and it's heavy enough to feel like an everlasting hug. I keep holding onto her, my hands wrapped around my shoulders. The Halls are empty and I follow her back to my room. She guides me out of my clothes and in my pajamas, out of my makeup and into my bed. She holds me and talks to me and shushes me to sleep.

It'll be okay. I'm right here. You know that right, I'm right here. She holds me closer. I'm right here, no need to worry.

I slowly close my eyes until I drift away and all the worries I had beforehand were gone. And it felt good, I felt light, safe. And I ... I love her.

Hi, I hope you liked this chapter, if you did and you wish to support me, please don't forget to vote.

-Love, me :)