The Scars That Bleed

Therapy Session

Anastasia:

We had just arrived to my appointment and was now sitting in the parking lot.

I can't lie to myself anymore. I miss Mar like crazy but it's just so hard for me to forgive him. We need guidance and I do wanna try us out again especially for this baby but I can't do this on my own.

Besides I think we both have a lot to say to each other so why not?

"Ready when you are diosa." He grabbed my hand and kissed it

"Marcelo, I'm not forcing you to do this. You don't-"

"I just want to have you to myself again diosa and I'll do anything to make this right."

He looked at me in my eyes when he said that and I knew he was telling the truth. I could see all the love and care he had for me in them.

"Okay..." I nodded my head and slightly smiled

He got out the car and came over to open my door. He kissed my forehead then grabbed my hand and we walked inside of the building together.

When we got in I checked in and waited to be called on. It only took about two minutes until Dr. Williams called us back.

"You ready?" I asked him, he smiled and nodded his head

We walked back into her office and took a seat down on the couch as she sat in the chair in front of us.

"Nice to see you again Ms. Poland, and you must be Mr. Miller." She smiled and shook Marcelo's hand

"Feel free to call me Marcelo."

"Alright, let's get started... shall we?"

She pulled out her notebook and sat it down on her lap before clicking her pen.

"Ms. Poland, do you mind if I share some of the things we've discussed about Mr. Miller in front of him?"

"N-no... that's fine." I took a deep breath to calm my nerves I was so nervous about this all

"Thank you, now before we dive in, I'd like to ask what made you two decide that you need couples therapy?"

"Well I-"

"I love her but I messed up so badly to the point where I'm afraid she'll never take me back, never look at me the same, never touch me, never speak to me... I kept something from her I should've never kept. Honestly I should've told her since the beginning but when I found out I didn't care about how it affected her, because I didn't know her."

I sat back and watched him speak. Taking all of this in.

"And I know that sounds terrible because everyone deserves the truth but where I come from people's feelings don't matter. I do things to people that make me numb and emotionless on the inside. So I used that information to blackmail her ex-husband at the time into getting me what I needed."

"But why didn't you tell me from the jump Mar? Why did I have to hear it come out of Kamil's mouth instead of yours?" I looked at him and it's nothing but frustration in my eyes and voice

"Because when I met you, you were so broken diosa. I saved your life twice in one week, do you not remember that? You tried to commit suicide and I saved you from that. You were nearly beaten to death one too many times. You swore up and down I could never treat you better than him. I just couldn't tell you, I didn't want you to see me as the bad guy. I wanted to be the one that saved you from all that mess, not put more on you."

"So you thought if you told her she would've never trusted you?"

He looked at her and nodded his head. I shook my head and rolled my eyes.

"And how does that make you feel Ms. Poland?"

"I didn't trust him to begin with. All I ever wanted was to be happy and free. I spent eight years of my life getting beaten and raped by the man I once called my husband. So forgive me for having trust issues with all men. Because everything you said to me he once said too and I believed him but look where that got me. Kamil took everything from me. Along with my dignity and five fucking children of my own without me knowing."

I felt a lump grow in my throat as tears started forming in my eyes. The thought and memories were such a horror.

My past is what traumatizes me the most.

"I have been through so much Marcelo but when I met you, I thought for one small second that maybe a man can love me. Maybe he is different, maybe he will treat me like the goddess he says I'm worthy of being. You showed me that I could love again, trust again. I loved you for that small second then you blew all of it in my face... you broke me even more than I ever have been. You hurt me, you cut me deep and it felt worst than the torture Kamil put me through within those eight years but you only did it in three months."

Marcelo:

Seeing her breakdown like this tore my heart into pieces especially because I'm the one that did this to her. Hearing her say all that to me made me feel like complete shit.

I felt like the bad guy for real. She doesn't deserve someone like me. Maybe her not being with me is how she will be treated like the beautiful goddess she is...

"Mr. Miller, how does that make you feel to hear her say that?"

I looked over at my beautiful goddess crying. I grabbed both of her hands and kissed them softly before wiping away her tears.

"It was never my intentions to hurt you diosa, you know I love you, I will never stop loving you. I am so sorry-fuck, I'm so damn sorry for everything. Anastasia, words can't explain how sorry I am baby. I feel like I'm not worthy of you anymore. I had my chance and I blew it with the most strongest, most precious, most elegant, most independent, and sexiest goddess I've ever laid my eyes on. I know nothing I say will ever change what I did and I know I should've told you but no matter how many times I apologize I can't change what I did."

"I will spend the rest of my life torturing myself for that pain I brought to you, for all the wrong I did to you Anastasia. You're a good person and you deserve the world and I wanted to give it to you, I had plans to but now... I don't think I'm the one that should."

I didn't even realize I was crying until a tear fell down on my hand. She looked at me in shock from what I had said and it shocked me too but it's true. I would do anything for Anastasia and if leaving her is whats best for her than I'll do it. No matter how much it'll hurt.

"Do you believe that Anastasia is better off without you?"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I answered the question.

"Yes..."

"Anastasia do you believe that you are better off without Marcelo?"

I looked at her , waiting on her to answer the question. Her mouth was open but words weren't coming out of it.