A Familiar Prison

Chapter 29

AJ stood when Gwen exited the office. "You doing okay?" He grabbed her hand and they walked to the car.

"Yeah, I guess. Difficult session, but productive. She wants me to do daily affirmations with you. I'm also still to be journaling and using the imagery rehearsal as well. But the affirmations will hopefully help sway my fears."

"Of course I'll do those with you. Anything to help you, my love." AJ took her hand and kissed it.

Gwen thought a minute. "Did the landlord ever confirm if the... the bodies were found?" She didn't know if she wanted to hear the answer... yes— she was a murderer; no— she had to fear for her life again.

AJ sighed softly. He knew how she was going to feel, and what she would be thinking- that she was a murderer. But he had to be honest with her. "Yes, they found all three." Gwen closed her eyes with tears brimming on the edge of her eyelids. AJ saw this, and pulled over to the side in a safe place to make sure she was alright.

"So I'm a murderer..." she mumbled.

AJ knew where she was going. He took both her hands in his. "Before you even start that, you are not a murderer, Baby. You protected yourself and me after they literally set traps to kidnap/kill you. You had to in self defense."

"But—"

"No, Honey. No buts. You did what you had to do to survive. To make us survive. They were looking to kill us. We had to take drastic measures. Otherwise that would have been us."

Gwen closed her eyes as tears fell down. "I still killed humans. I don't feel good about that. I feel guilty about it. I'm terrified of what repercussions will happen to us."

AJ put his hand on her cheek. "Love, please look at me." She looked up with tearful eyes. "We did what we had to do. No person alive will deny that. You are not a murderer in my eyes. You protected me. You saved me from psychos who literally tied me to a chair, then had me chained to a wall. You always will be my hero, Gwen." He leaned in and kissed her. "You don't see me as a murderer, do you?" He smiled at her.

Gwen took a shaky breath. "No, of course not. But it was my idea. I'm the one who thought to torch the place with them in it."

"Come here." AJ hugged her as best he could with a console in between them. "It doesn't matter who thought of it. We were fearing for our lives, we needed to be safe." He brushed a tear from her cheek that had escaped. "No one will deny it was self defense. We had to protect ourselves." He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. She leaned forward and put her forehead on his, heaving a sigh. "What else is on your mind, Honey?"

"You. I'm still..." she cut off herself to compose her thoughts. "I'm still leery you'll leave if I make any more mistakes. I've made so many, especially here lately..." she stopped, seeing the look on his face, and looked down.

He was heartbroken for her. "Oh, Honey. No, please don't even think that. You are working through so many traumatic events, and I will be here beside you every step of the way."

Gwen looked at him. "You've gone through most of these same things, yet you're not having this reaction."

"I don't know why that is, but it has nothing to do with strength. Maybe it hasn't hit me the way it has you." He took her head in his hands. "Gwendolyn, I will say this- I promise I will never leave you." He kissed her. "You and I have such a wonderful life together and have such an adventure ahead of us together, I wouldn't want to do this life with anyone else beside me." He kissed her again.

Gwen nodded. She still didn't know if she believed it, but she knew he didn't lie to her. She would try to listen to his words and try to believe he wasn't going anywhere.

"Are you feeling better now?" She smiled at him. He always had such a kind heart.

"Yeah. I think I am. Let's head on out."

AJ pulled onto the road again and they headed back to Kevin and Katie's.