A Familiar Prison

Chapter 41

Gwen sat with AJ's head in her lap. As she stroked his hair while he was sleeping, her mind started wandering.

Okay, think logically. AJ has been under a lot of stress lately with everything that's gone on. Stress can cause a person to not want to eat. I know how it can be. I don't think he's doing it to lose weight. He's perfect. He knows how attracted to him I am, so I don't think that could be it- right? It breaks my heart knowing he's hurting and I can't help him. She kissed his forehead and resumed stroking his hair. She softly started talking to him. "My love, please know how much I do love you, and how much it hurts to see you so stressed and hurting. Baby, I'm here for you, just know that. I am going to uphold my promise. I'm going to talk to you rather than just go on impulse and leave to try to keep you safe. I just know you are my love, my life, my world. I don't want anything to happen to you, and in my head, leaving was protecting you, because if I'm not around, then whomever is after me won't get you, they'll only get me, and you'd be safe. That's why I wanted to leave. It was nothing against you, I just wanted to keep you safe." A tear rolled down her cheek. "Baby, I'm so sorry to put you through all this. I just want to be back to normal. I hate having these nightmares, I hate not being able to just have a normal life anymore. I live in fear of what's around the corner. I fear for you, I fear for me, I fear for our life together. I thought leaving would protect you, but I know that's not the best solution. I need to talk rather than run." She took a deep breath.  "I feel like this is all my fault. I got kidnapped by that psycho, and she somehow found me after I escaped. When I heard you scream when I tried calling called you—" she choked back a sob, "I knew it was my fault you screamed. I wasn't there to protect or help you. I put you in that position. If I only had called you when I left, you would have answered your phone, and you would have stayed away, we could have met up somewhere and we would have been free of them." Another tear rolled down. "Please forgive me. I should have stayed, and I should have spoken up more before you even left. You never knew what Granny looked like, so how would you know that it was her at the door?" Gwen sniffled. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She opened her eyes and felt a little more clarity. "Okay, I need to stop. That blame isn't on me, it'd be on Granny for how she acted and what she did. No one else can claim that." She wiped her cheeks off. "Baby, just know I am trying my best for you. I will always do my best for you. I love you so much." She kissed his forehead again.

What Gwen did not know was AJ had actually been awake during her whole speech. He knew she needed to get it out of her head so he let her talk. His heart broke for her admitting what all she did. He was proud of her for knowing and realizing when things weren't her fault. He felt her relax more and knew she fell asleep. He sighed and let himself fall back into slumber.