A Familiar Prison

Chapter 39

AJ's phone rang. It was Piper.

"Thank you for calling back. I am going to hand you off to Gwen so she can tell you what's going on."

Gwen took the phone and heaved a big sigh. "Hello Piper. Yes, I'm okay now. I do still want to come in though if you can squeeze me in. Yeah? Okay, that works. Thank you. See you then."

Gwen hung up and have the phone back to AJ. "She can see me at 9:00, so that gives us about an hour. Why don't we eat and then we can head out there."

"Okay." Katie and Kevin had already started making some eggs and bacon for everyone. I'm not that hungry, but I'll have to eat a little bit.

Gwen asked if there was anything she could do to help, and Katie put her to work cutting up some fruit. AJ went back to their room and got ready for the day. When he came back out, breakfast was ready and they all sat down to eat. AJ had one piece of bacon and a small portion of eggs. He struggled eating that much. But he knew he needed something in his system.

Kevin and Katie were in their own conversation. Gwen looked over at AJ. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just not that hungry. I'll be fine. I'll make sure to eat a snack later on." He smiled at her. She saw it didn't go all the way to his eyes. She smiled back, but was still a bit concerned.

Gwen got ready and they left for her appointment. It was a silent ride to the therapist's office. Gwen felt she should say something to him, but couldn't find the right words.

They pulled in to the office and went inside. Gwen gave her name and they waited.

"Gwen?" Piper came out and called her name. "Go ahead and go back to my office, I'll be there in a moment." Gwen nodded and headed back.

Piper looked at AJ. "I know you're concerned. It will all be okay."

"She did open up to me a bit. This was another bad nightmare. I'll let her tell you, but it made her semi-catatonic this morning. When she finally did speak, she was asking questions I wish I had answers for. Maybe you can help her with those."

"I'll certainly try." Piper went back to her office to start the session.

"I am sorry to have to schedule a session like this. I thought I was getting better." Gwen was sitting on the couch. She sighed and looked down at her hands.

"That's why I'm here. But, why don't we start from the beginning- tell me what you dreamt."

Gwen recalled the nightmare for Piper. "So, I did figure out it was a dream, but it still scared me and made me think I should leave because it would protect AJ. I was going to leave today, but Kevin came out and saw me sitting on the couch, and got Katie. Katie tried talking to me, then she got AJ. I recoiled from him when he went to rub my back because I didn't want to be able to feel his loving touch if I was going to leave. I believe that's when AJ left the message for you. I agreed to talk to Katie, I told her what all kept going through my mind- AJ dead, me not protecting him, Granny holding that baseball bat that ended his life... I blamed myself— if I would have left before it would have protected him. Katie helped talk me down. She convinced me to talk to AJ, and—" tears were rolling down her eyes by now, "I know I don't deserve him. He is so kind and wonderful and loving... he deserves better..."

"Gwen, don't put yourself down like that. Trust me when I say we've all been there, not believing we are worthy enough for the person we are with. But I've seen the way the two of you are with each other. You both deserve each other. You are so sweet and loving towards each other." Piper saw how the words were not fully getting through. "How about this. AJ told me you were questioning things? Can you ask those to me? Maybe we can figure these out together."

Gwen sighed and thought about what she'd asked AJ. "Okay, why am I having these nightmares? They have to mean something, so what do they mean? Does this one mean I am going to lose him to some psycho by blunt force trauma? Am I going to lose him to two psychos who like to play grandparents to those who aren't their own? If I left, I would be saving him from any crazy things that would happen because of me. Yes, the Grandparents are gone, but what about the next person who hurts him because of me?" Gwen rattled them off again, getting more and more emotional with each question.

"That is a lot to unpack, but we will get thorough them. Let's start at the top. You're wanting to know why you're having these nightmares. I think you know the answer to this one."

"Because my brain is still dealing with and sorting through the trauma of being kidnapped, chased, and having to rescue AJ. Along with the car wreck as well." Gwen summarized.

"All those combined would get to anyone. You've dealt with it admirably. Now, on to the next question. Dreams don't always mean anything. But with what all has been on your mind, you're terrified of losing him, so your subconscious thought possibly is 'if you dream it, you will be mentally prepared for it.' The next- leaving won't do anything to help either one of you. You should face these problems together. No matter what happens, you two should support and lean on each other."

"He promised me he would never leave my side, that we would go through all this together. He asked me if I would make the same promise to him. I did, but I know it is going to be a struggle. I want to protect him, he wants to protect me."

"As well you should want to protect each other. That's your love coming out. You would do anything to keep the other safe."

"I would. I just- I'm scared. I'm scared that something will happen again and I won't be able to protect him. I'm terrified to move back in to our house. There are so many bad memories associated with that house now- I love the house and don't really want to move, but every time I look at certain spots, I'll be reminded that I had to fight for my life there."

"You need to make sure you're open and honest with him then. Tell him those things  exactly."

Gwen sighed. "I will have to, won't I?"

"Better sooner than later."

They wrapped up their session with how Gwen should keep working on the tricks to verify if she's dreaming and to keep journaling. They exited her office and Gwen met up with AJ in the waiting room, then they went back to Katie and Kevin's house.