A Familiar Prison

Chapter 40

After getting back to the house, AJ needed to work a bit. Gwen knew she needed to decompress from everything that happened last night and this morning. She went outside on the porch to write any and all random thoughts down. She just wanted to remove everything she could that was circling in her head. Writing was quite cathartic for her.

AJ looked up from his computer, and looked out the window and saw Gwen writing. He sighed. He was worried about her. He rubbed his eyes and looked back down at the computer. It was getting to be lunchtime, but he still was not very hungry. I'll hold off until she comes in and if she mentions she's hungry, then we'll eat something. He looked around. I just want her to feel safe. I want her to know I'm safe, and I'm not going anywhere. She is my world. I would not be able to handle if she left or if anything happened to her. He continued working. What if she keeps wanting to run because she's fallen out of love with me? What if she doesn't find me attractive anymore? The "protecting me" bit could just be a cover... she's really protecting herself from me and wants to run... AJ's heart sank. Could that really be it? Could she just not see herself with me anymore? Maybe that's why she hesitated when I asked her to promise not to run away. AJ closed his computer and put his head in his hands. Could that be it? Could she just want to be away from me? Does she really love me? He sighed. He looked up and saw her still sitting outside, writing. He thought about her letter he saw... AJ, stop. You need to not go down that path. She does still love you. She was and is scared. She loves you as much as you love her. She only wants to try to protect you in her mind. I just have to get her to believe that I'm not going anywhere, and that she doesn't need to run. We'll start doing daily affirmations together if needed to tell her how much she means to me and show her I'm not going anywhere. I'll do anything for you, my love.

He sighed, got up, and went outside to Gwen. He started lightly rubbing her back to get her attention. She looked up and smiled at him.

"Hey Baby. You done working?"

"For now. I couldn't concentrate."

"Oh?"

"Not when I knew the most beautiful woman was out here."

She blushed and put her head down. "Oh, stop." He leaned down and kissed her.

She smiled and shook her head. "So what's up?" She looked at her watch. "Oh, goodness, I wasn't paying attention to the time. Are you hungry?"

"A bit."

"Why don't we get something to eat, then I'll leave you be so you can keep working."

"Sounds good." He kissed her again, then held his hand out to help her up. "What do you want to eat?"

"I'm good with whatever."

"Okay, how about we do pizza?"

"Alright." They came inside, ordered the pizza and had some small talk.

When it was delivered, they sat down to eat. Only one piece in, AJ felt full. He took a breadstick and started to nibble on that, but couldn't eat much of it.

"Baby, are you sure you're okay?" Gwen looked at AJ with concern. "Your appetite has changed a bit."

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's probably just stress. I'll be good." He smiled at her.

She smiled back, but timidly. It was a valid reason to not have an appetite. They got the pizza packed away once they were done and then Gwen took her book and journal back outside. AJ got back on his computer to do more work.

Gwen stopped trying to read and put the book down. She sighed. I'm going to have to keep an eye on him eating, or lack there of. I just wish I knew why he was doing it. He's perfect in my eyes. He doesn't need to do anything. Gwen decided to write again in her journal, just getting thoughts out. Maybe that will help me not worry so much about him, just getting my thoughts arranged.

AJ looked back at the document he was working. His thoughts started straying. Why is my appetite being so finicky? What could cause this? Maybe it will help me, being in better shape for her. I don't know. All I know is I can't force myself to eat, so I will need to be more cautious around her. AJ shifted in his chair. Okay, so that's enough of that. I need to focus on work. After a bit, he was able to finish up. He sat back on the couch and relaxed, falling asleep. Gwen came in, and seeing him on the couch, she sat next to him and snuggled up with him.