Me, Love, & Secrets

Trust Me This Once

"Come on, mija. He's gonna want to know some time. You can't keep it a secret from him forever."

"Uh..." I looked up from the book I was reading. "Sorry, didn't hear a word you just said."

"...Honestly, mija." Melinda shook her head. "Lucas isn't going to continue pretending to be oblivious to how you're acting. It's quite obvious you hate talking about anything Roberto has been involved in."

"Like what? I've been acting perfectly normal."

"Lucas asked if you wanted to go to Anahera and you declined. Renée wants to visit the modeling agency to see Angie and Chantel, but you said you were busy. You weren't, because you laid in bed all day. Joël had to come get me to get you up. Evan came by to talk business with you and you suddenly didn't have time to press charges against the guy who tried to hurt you."

"I'm perfectly fine, Lin."

"And let me not forget to mention tu noche de fiesta con Katherine y hombres que ni siquiera conoces. Totally inappropriate, mija."

"Lucas knows I'm trying hard not to take what happened all those years ago to heart."

"What Roberto did to you doesn't matter now, now does it?" Melinda closed the book in my hands and went to put it back on the shelf. "Look at me, Dahling. You've proven to everyone time and time again that whatever Roberto did to you never bothered you. Joël may have been an outcome from a mistake, but you love him more than anything."

"What are you getting at?" I asked.

"Will you turn your back on Joël next? He's going to be a daily reminder of the mistake you made all those years ago. Not telling Lucas about what happened will eat at you siempre."

After my talk with Melinda, Renée found me sitting on their back porch. I couldn't face Lucas yet. I keep thinking he won't understand. He'll get mad at me and want nothing to do with me. He wouldn't leave, because he'd rather everyone think he's a good guy. Once we get back home, he's going to move his things out of my apartment and never speak to me again. No one understands how I feel right now. I hope they never do.

The moon was full when Renée joined me outside with two glasses of wine. I hadn't had any alcohol since my night with Roberto. I was afraid I'd act out again and tell Lucas the wrong things. There's nothing wrong with him knowing every mistake I've made. There's something wrong with him knowing I slept with the one guy I told him not to worry about. He's going to be the one to murder me and no one will ever find my body.

"I thought you'd need some courage liquide tonight," she said. "Melinda said she didn't get through to you earlier. I know you hate people worrying about you, but...when your family cares a little too much, then something's wrong."

"I don't hate that..." I pulled one leg up into the chair. "I just...get afraid when someone worries about me. I keep thinking Lucas and I are going to end up like Roberto and I. I know he's a good person. That's what's keeping me from saying anything."

"Which is totally understandable, darling." Renée took a sip of her wine and smiled. "We never liked each other when we were younger. Much like how you and Roberto are right now. Minus the means to murder each other."

"And..."

"You and Lucas ending up like you and Roberto is never gonna happen. Why? Because Lucas loves you a little too much to see you suffer. Why would he date you after knowing how gullible you are?"

That hurt. I never thought I was that gullible. I know I tend to believe whatever someone tells me, but I can reason with people. I know when I'm being tricked. But just the thought of what Roberto was able to do to me, helped me believe I was gullible enough. I'm sure Lucas doesn't feed off of how easy it is to manipulate me. He's too nice for that.