My leader

38

After I close the door and get further inside our room, I see Billie sitting on the floor with her head on a pillow. She was between the bed and the wall, her front facing the wall.

Without saying anything, I slowly lay down next to her, my body being now between hers and the wall. There was enough space for both of us but I sat as close as possible to her, our noses almost touching.

Her gaze was now on my face but it was more like she was watching through me. "Is something bothering you Bil?" I ask her on a soft and quiet tone.

She gives back a stern "No" and nothing else, but it wasn't enough for me. "Then why did you leave?"

"I've had a bad day. I wasn't in the mood for any other stupid games" she says as she was somehow trying to avoid my eyes.

"Did Zoe's question bother you?" She shifted in her spot, placing her hand underneath her head then took a deep breath in.

"It wasn't her question, but the answer I was afraid of. The thought of someone else being with you...it made me feel...helpless"

"There's nobody else that could replace you baby" I say as I lean in, to give her a soft kiss. Her lips on mine was the thing I've missed so much over those days and the feeling of having them again made me want them more and more.

She places one of her hands on my waist, pulling my body even closer to hers. Her tongue slightly touched my bottom lip, letting me know what she wanted. Once I allowed her in, she placed the hand that was once under her head, on the side of my neck.

She slightly squeezed it, making a little whimper escape my mouth. As she heard my reaction, she smirked into the kiss and continued to hold my neck.

Because I wanted a new position,something made me bold enough to break the kiss and sit on top of her. She was still on her back and I was sitting in a place where I felt something poking my ass, and I knew exactly what it was.

She placed her hands on the sides of my thighs and I leaned in, pressing my lips on hers again.

I slowly grinded on her and a low groan escaped her throat, forcing her to break the kiss. "Fuck. Raven please don't do it"

Her words kinda made me think about the situation we were in and where things could lead, but on the other hand, it might be a solution to make her feel better.

"It's okay Billie. I want it." Was all I said, then I saw her eyes getting darker and I felt the bulge underneath me as it got harder.

"Are you sure?"

I placed my hands on her shoulders and leaned in again, this time kissing her even more aggressively, thinking of how this could help her feel better.

"Y-yes" I breathe out and it was just enough for her to stand up and push me off of her just to put me in the place she was before.

She was now on top of me, making me feel like I was cornered. The bed and the wall felt like they were closer now, the space becoming smaller and smaller.

She wasn't under me anymore. Now she had the power and I started to feel vulnerable. Her body was between my legs and each hand of hers was next to my head, supporting her body weight.

She placed a soft kiss on my lips then slowly got to my neck. As her breath hit my senses, I instantly felt the alcohol smell, which got me into a dreamy state of mind.

I could see her silhouette keeping me steady as I looked up. The heavy breathing and the alcohol smell weren't as disturbing as the pain. I could feel my breath being stopped as I felt her hands travelling on my body.

I suddenly opened my eyes, just to see the same figure.

"No. No. Stop!" I yelled as I pushed her away, then got up and rushed to the other side of the room. She looked disoriented at me, as she was still on the floor.

My breath was still heavy and so was hers. She sat up too, and tried to come closer to me but she stopped when a tear escapes my eye.

When I looked into her eyes, I realised that I wasn't the only one scared.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" but she stopped, not knowing what else to say. After a moment of silence, my mind was slowly getting back to its place, making me realise the situation.

Step by step, I got closer to her, in the end taking her hand in mine. She closed her eyes and I entwined our fingers, then placed her hand on my chest, where my heart was.

"It's okay Billie."

She suddenly opened her eyes, tightening the hold of our hands.

"How can you say that? It's only my fault. I-I went too far. I should have been more careful. I-"

But I stopped her by placing the pointer finger of my other hand on her lips, then took it back.

"I pushed us both into something I wasn't ready. You don't have to apologise"

She opened her mouth to speak but closed it again then kept a moment of silence between us again.

"May I hug you?" She asked almost whispering.

"Yes"

Without losing any time, she wrapped her hands around my body, keeping me into a warm hug. Even if I got scared because of some thought of her, I felt safe.

"How do you feel?" She asked as we were still hugging, my face buried in her chest and her head above mine.

"I'm good . How are you?"

"If you are good then I am good too." She was slowly rubbing my back while playing with my hair.

"Raven I am sorry"

"You don't have to-"

"No. I have to. The reason you are scared of me is my fault, but I promise, if you will ever want me like that, I'll make sure to touch you in the most gentle way. I want to make love to you and I want to make you feel safe while we do it. I never felt for someone what I feel for you and even if I'll have to wait till the last day of my life, I will do it for you"

I felt my toes, my knees, my hands and every other part of my body slowly melting at her words. Nobody ever cared of me this much beside my parents and Maya, but it was a different kind of affection.

"Raven" I felt her grip tighten as I slowly hummed as a response.

"I love you"

And once again, I froze at her words. So simple, but so meaningful. I had no idea how to react and there's no way to pause the time and go search for help on the internet. But her next words made me calm down a little as she said "You don't have to say it back. You don't even have to feel it too. My love for you needs nothing, just like you don't ask for anything when you allow me in your life...even if it's just for the lunch time."

Her last words made us both giggle, helping the tension to break easier. I looked up, just to see her wet blue eyes and a big smile on her face.

My heart was beating normal now, even if it wasn't in its usual condition. My body's heart is with me, but my soul's one is with her.