My leader

50

Billie's POV

Have you ever felt like you were on top of the mountain, invincible, above the world but because of a wrong step you fell into the abyss?

Well, that's how I feel right now. I'm inside of this darkness at the bottom of the mountain, wondering if I'll ever get to the top again.

I never meant to give her the impression that I didn't trust her. I trust her more than I trust my own parents. What I wanted to do, was to make her day easier.

I was focusing so much on what I was thinking about  that test and I forgot to pay attention to what it really meant for her.

She got mad and I got scared. I got so scared that my mind's protective system threw heavy words. I yelled at her and said things I wasn't even believing.

I did suffer about the loss of the baby, but giving it up for Raven was an easy decision, so I continued to do anything for her even when I realised she wasn't gonna announce me about the abortion.

I haven't seen her in five days and I don't even understand how she's so good at hiding from me. I haven't told our parents yet about the break up but I think they are starting to notice.

I did told Miles and Jaden and I really believe that Maya knows too. I'm asking the boys every day about her. They are neutral in this whole situation and I'm happy about it to be honest.

I tried to give her space. But it's hard. Every morning, before most of the people wake up, I go to her door and leave in front of it a big bouquet of red roses.

In the first day, I felt my heart being cut in two pieces when I saw the exact same bouquet in the trash can in the kitchen. I knew she threw it there so I could see it, but it didn't stop me.

I still continued with it because I know it reminds her of me. I want her to know that I won't give up. I really want her back.

Today I confessed everything to Finneas. He's not on my side but he agreed to help me out. If this doesn't work  then I'll try harder next time.

Raven's POV

Five days. Five days of doing nothing but eating, sleeping and watching movies.Conversations with Maya were between those, every single one having the Billie subject in it.

Miles and Jaden are coming over sometimes too but I try my best to look okay and happy because I know they'll eventually tell Billie how I'm doing.

Maya said that if I still feel like the decision I made was a good one  for me, then I did the right thing.

The problem is, I don't feel exactly the same anymore. I'm still mad at her but I also miss her. The fact that she's leaving me flowers every day doesn't help either.

I don't want to see her because I wouldn't know what to say. I said harmful things to her out of anger and now I feel stupid when I think about it.

I'm currently eating my lunch alone in my room. I'm doing this because I don't want her to see me. I know she'll try to talk to me.

To be honest, I don't feel much safer in here either. I didn't told Maya about it, but in the first night after the break up I was scared that she was gonna burst into my room.

I wasn't scared that she was gonna hurt me, but I felt uncomfortable knowing she has a key and she could come in whenever she wanted during the night. But she didn't.

As I was taking a bite of my burger, I heard my phone  receiving a text message. At first, I thought it could be Maya, but I was surprised to see who it really was.