adoration | CL fanfic

twenty four

I feel a constant ringing in my ears and the shitty hospital lights are slowly blinding me,
I'm strangely aware of how pale and fragile my skin and bones feel.

My fingers are turning green from the collection of fast fashion rings which were once metallic gold but have faded into a dull muted bronze but I refuse to take them off as they bear memories from simpler times.

I stare at the ceiling pondering  the intention behind the pale blue light sheets and why the sheets in the hospital bring  me more comfort than the ones in my own home.

I feel a peculiar sense of nothingness and overwhelming emotion all at the same time, I'm so tired.

I've been in and out of hospital for the past two months, I was in the Miami hospital for three weeks until I was stable enough to fly to Monaco and I've been in and out of the Monaco hospital for five weeks.

"Charles. Im so sick of this, I just don't feel like myself here, it's so draining." I explained to him, I was sat in a hospital bed whilst a nurse did a blood test for me.

"I know," he held my knee reassuringly "A few more minutes and we can go home."

Since being in Monaco Charles and I had moved in together, mostly because my dad knew where we both lived and it was the safest
option and because Charles refused to have me at home by myself.

"Sweetheart do you want an apple juice to get your sugars up?" My nurse asked me as she finished putting a bandage on my arm.

"I'm okay thank you." I smiled at her and she nodded standing up "Okay we will ring you with your results within a few weeks."

"Thank you." Charles smiled at her as she left the room, he was quick to help me up from the bed.

The last two months had been rough for Charles and I, he was given the all clear to drive 6 weeks ago and had been travelling to each Grand Prix without me as I'm not clear to fly yet unless medically.

And he won't say it but I know he's anxious to drive again and he's anxious to leave me alone by myself, you can tell by his race results.

Psychologically my dad has done a number on him.

I was thankful to know my father had been arrested for attempted murder on two charges, as Max had been recording my end of the phone call and he had heard pretty much everything.

He's in prison for life.

It doesn't change the fact that he had effectively broken three of my ribs, my left wrist, my nose and given me a concussion and he split my head open.

But low and behold I was recovering.

The media absolutely ate up the fact my dad had tried to kill Charles and I so we took a break from socials and have done ever since except for when Charles was driving.

"Come on let's get home." Charles was holding on to me closely as he often did these days as we walked out to the car.

The Ferrari parked in the hospital car park always makes me laugh, the hospital is not a place for such a car.

Thankfully Charles had parked the car very close to the hospital entrance so we didn't have far to walk before we were in the car and driving home.

Our apartment was nice and cosy, we didn't want something flashy for no reason so we opted for a cute little one right in the midst of Monaco, it was a five minute drive from his mothers house.

We pulled up to the apartment and we went inside and i immediately sat down on the couch "Tired?" He asked me.

"I'm so exhausted Charles." I admitted rubbing my eyes and holding my head.

He sighed and sat down besides me, "We are supposed to be going to my mums tonight for dinner but we can cancel-

I turned to face him "No no no I will drink twelve coffees if it means I get to see Pascale."

Charles laughed, "As much that I love that you guys get on I don't want you pushing yourself if you aren't up to it."

"I promise I'm not pushing myself." I said lifting out my pinky finger as we promised.

"We have a few hours until then," he said checking his watch "what do you want to do?"

I always felt bad that my injuries had led me to being easily tired because Charles constantly wanted to do physical activities that I couldn't  do whether it was tennis, mountain climbing, skiing or anything in the gym that wasn't the treadmill.

I shook my head "I'm happy to do whatever you want to do." I smiled at him and he pulled me closer to him.

"Well I want to hug my girlfriend." He responded and I pretended to act confused.

"Oh really? Where's she?"

He rolled his eyes and pulled me onto him so we were laying down on the sofa, me on top of him as we held each other, "This can't be comfy for you."

"Mel, this is the comfiest I've felt in months." He responded his eyes looking deeply into mine, his ocean eyes.

We stayed in the silence for a few minutes before I spoke up again "Do you think I'll be okay again? Like normal?"

He sighed and simply said "There's no sense in me telling you that you'll be okay because right now, I know you won't believe me."

He paused.

"You'll think I don't know how you feel or that I haven't been hurt as deeply as you have or that I simply couldn't put myself in your shoes. None of this is true but I'm not here to convince you of that. So I'll tell you something else instead."

"Okay." I responded.

"I'll tell you that you'll make it through this day. Today. I'll tell you that if you take breathe after breathe and put one foot in-front of the other and move forward, even in the tiniest way that you will make it enough this day," He continued "I'll tell you that when you go to bed tonight you should feel so proud of yourself for facing the day and facing yourself and mentally preparing yourself to do it all again tomorrow."

I soaked up each and every word that he said, the meaning behind each one.

"If you try to make it through the day, each day and every day eventually it won't feel so arduous. Eventually your heart won't feel so heavy, and you will get there my love." He smiled at me and I felt my heart explode in my chest with love.