Why I still love you

Chapter 23

"Child"

"What are you talking Maa"- Akansha asked her in her cracked voice. She was surprised why her mother is asking this question.

"I am talking about your child"- her mother replied to her question. Akansha was astonished to hear about her child.

"I am not getting your words Maa.What do you want to say"- she again asked her mother.

"You were pregnant"- The words came out of her mother mouth while she moved away her gaze from akansha face like she didn't want to see her daughter.

Pregnant!!!!! Akansha gasped at the word "please tell me clearly everything Maa."

Her mother told her everything  which doctor Jaya  explained to her.

A lone tear escaped from her eyes after hearing about her baby.  It wasn't  tough for her to guess why she got pregnant. The dream which turned into nightmare  she had was an indication of her child going away and she could do nothing. "Now tell me Akansha whose child was it"- her mother again asked.

Akansha didn't  answer  her mother question. How could she tell her that it was  her and Veer baby because she hadn't disclose about her relationship  to anyone in the family. What will they think of her?? No  she will not tell them because   even if her child has died, she will let him be in a peace  and protect him from being labelled curse and  illegitimate and she didn't want any derogatory label on her relationship with Veer.   She had full trust on her family but not on this society.

Akansha turned her face opposite of her mother and When her mother didn't get  any answer , she stood from her seat and proceeded to go from there, when Akansha hold her hands.

"Maa, I promise you one day I will tell you the whole thing . Just have trust on me"- she said to her mother while controlling her tears. Her mother asserted in positive and spoke:

"I haven't told anything about this to your father not only your father but the whole family doesn't know this and I want to keep this way only. your father will die with the pain that his beloved daughter has broken his trust. after hearing this."

Akansha was thinking how unfortunate mother she was. She didn't even has right to wail for her unborn baby and express her grief. She felt like the most unlucky woman or we can mother present on this planet at this moment. A mother who didn't got chance to hold her baby in her arms even for a second.  She will not get to hear his first hearttbeats She might be very young in age but a mother is a mother only. It doesn't have to be age related or experience related. A woman becomes mother at that moment itself when she first gets to know about her child. The heaviness in her heart on losing the baby was telling her that it would be way better if she had died in the accident rather than living in guilt each day .

After 2 days when Akansha got to know that she has been paralysed  when she noticed that there were no movements or even small sensation in her legs, she broke down. She cried for the whole night but didn't utter a single word  and her family couldn't do anything for their daughter to take away her pain.

. She requested everyone to leave her alone for some time  and even though aranya was not agreeing to it , she accepted her  sister demand just for sake of her.The doctor also insisted to leave her alone so that she doesn't take stress seeing her family sad faces.

When everyone left,Akansha was left with her disturbing thoughts.But now she can't  be in this mental state and has to think about the uncertain future which was looking very beautiful with Veer  earlier but is now tainted like an old mirror.she felt like fate has played a cruel game with her.
Giving her all the happiness and then snatching it first her baby and then her own body.

"you are an added burden for everyone now . You have become worthless. You have to depend on others even for your basic needs."- her subconsciousness was mocking her.

"No I am not worthless. Everyone loves me so much. They care about me"- she wanted to scream at her subconsciousness.

" Love??? Your Veer also loves you very much Akansha. Isn't it??-

"Yeah he loves me very much and I love him too".

"If you really love him Akansha, don't destroy his life".

"What???? how I am destroying  his life"- she asked her subconsciousness almost getting teary eyed.

"Ask this question to yourself Akansha. You have become paralysed. You know what it means..... It means that you can't walk, can't go from one place to another and many more thing....

"Veer loves you very much. There is no doubt in it. He will accept you with open arms even in this condition also but think about it , you will be a responsibility for him.He will go to any length to make you happy but He has his whole life in front of him and you want him to care for you everyday when he should be enjoying his life "

The words of her subconsciousness were pricking like a needle to Akansha but her words were making sense to her. How much she denied , but  what she was saying is true.

"When he should be fulfilling his lifelong dreams, you want him to accompany you in your daily hospital visits and doctor appointments given your present physical condition which is to remain forever. You want to bind him with you just like you can't move now, he will also be not able to move forward in his life .Maybe Veer and you had only this much journey together"

"Just go from here"- Akansha said to her subconsciousness.

"you are  a selfish girl  Akansha nothing else."

"You are only thinking about your own happiness"

"You don't care about anyone else".

"I said please go from here !!!
go just go!!"-  She screamed and put her hands on her ears to stop those talks.

She put her face in both her falms and closed her  eyes. After  sometime when she  opened eyes, she saw that there was pin drop silence and darkness in her room  just like her life now.

"I have to do this thing. I don't know what I am going to do is right or not but at this moment it is only option I  have left now"- she thought to her herself.

Jaya came in her room for her routine check up when Akansha spoke "Aunty Can I request you something".

"Yes Akansha , you don't have to ask like this for getting something. You are just like my own daughter. Now say  what you want to say"- jaya replied to her  stroking her forehead.

After Akansha told her everything, Jaya  refused to help her straightaway but when
She folded her hands in front of Jaya, she couldn't help but agree to her illogical demand. She was seeing how desperate Akansha was and in how much pain she was. Her eyes were telling a story but she didn't had courage to ask it.For this she had to betray  her medical ethics also.

Before Jaya went out of her room, Akansha asked for her mobile and called Sugandha. She knew her friend mobile number by heart after spending 2 years with her. After talking to her, she kept the mobile away.

She brought her hands to her flat tummy  and tears welled up in her eyes.

"If possible,  forgive your mumma baby............

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Thanks for reading.