But It Isn't Right (Duskwood Fanfic)

Redux

Jake stepped over to my bag and picked it up. "Let's go inside and talk."

I followed after him, confused. We had talked about our first meeting, and it was not turning out how I had pictured it. But then, many things had not turned out the way I thought. I felt bitterness well up. I was coming back to the reality of my situation that I'd momentarily been distracted from by the shock of seeing him. I remembered I had a boyfriend I'd just left minutes ago, who had effectively pushed me into Jake's arms. We had a silent elevator ride, during which I refused to look at him. He led me down a hallway to a room, opened the door, then stepped aside to allow me in first.

"Li." I startled. I had been standing in the middle of the room, lost in my own thoughts. "Would you like to sit down?" I nodded, still not sparing him a glance, and sat at the table he indicated. I stared at its wooden top, tracing the grained patterns with my eyes.

"You are angry, are you not?"

I finally looked up at him, laughing humorlessly. "What do you think? One year, Jake. One year you've been gone. And you blocked me!" I exclaimed. "Hours after I had a heart attack, you blocked me." Tears of indignation sprang from my eyes unbidden. "They had to sedate me to keep me calm. I was like a vegetable in there. Then they brought me home, and I was like a lifeless doll at home. Other people had to feed me, bathe me, for weeks, I was too depressed to care about anything." Jake's expression became more and more pained, but I wasn't done yet.

"And now, just when the man who loves me, who has stuck by my side through everything, is finally in a place where he can have everything he deserves, you decide to come around. And do you know what Richy did? He told me to go to you!" I yelled, and Jake flinched. "He broke his own heart for me, because--" I stopped and bit the inside of my cheek to prevent myself from speaking.

"Because why?" I turned away, the tears flowing like an endless river. "Why, Li? Please tell me."

"Because I never let you go," I whispered. "I didn't know how to. I tried so hard. I wanted to hate you, to believe there was nothing between us. But I couldn't convince myself, and I couldn't convince Richy."

"I am so very sorry that I hurt you, Li. I wanted to be there for you all this time. But I knew that if there was any chance for us, a real life with you and not just one single day together, then I had to be free. I needed to have more than one day with you. So I had to follow their rules exactly.

"I am also sorry for any pain I have caused Richy. He is a good man, and I hold no ill will toward someone who has taken such good care of the woman that I love."

I turned to look at him. "I love you, Li," he said. "I am sorry that I waited so long to tell you. I wanted to give you the chance to be happy without me. But seeing you here, I know that I must say my feelings for you, even if you can't return them."

"I love you, too," I found myself saying without hesitation. "I tried not to, but it seems I never had a choice." I gave him a small smile.

 "Can you forgive me, Li?" 

"Of course, I forgive you."

Relief flooded Jake's face. He stood up abruptly, taking my hand, and went to sit on the bed. I noted peripherally that even on the lower height of the bed, he was still slightly taller than me while I was standing up. However, all thoughts left my mind when he pulled me between his legs so I was flush against his body. My arms went automatically to his neck, his soft black hair brushed against my fingers. He leaned in slowly, lips slightly parted. My eyes drifted closed.

Jake kissed me as I'd never been kissed before. He treated my mouth as if it was his favorite food, and he was savoring the taste. Noises of pleasure rumbled deep in his chest as he clasped me by the waist and explored my lips and tongue. I drank him in hungrily, making needy little noises of my own, sucking on his lower lip, and pressing myself tighter against his broad chest. My body reacted on instinct, and I let it do as it wished. When we finally came up for air, Jake was panting for breath and his eyes were heavy.