But It Isn't Right (Duskwood Fanfic)

Renewal

I did what I always do to work through the pain. I sang my feelings. Anytime I felt the urge to call Jake, instead, I would record a cover that matched my mood and publish it immediately. If I wanted to go see him, I would write lyrics. I was up from early in the morning until late at night, singing, recording, and writing. When I finally got the letter from Richy saying I could visit him, I called immediately to make an appointment and took the first available option.

However, I promised myself that I wouldn't let Richy carry all of my emotional burdens again. What Jake did to me was no excuse for me to drag Richy back into all of my problems; he had enough to deal with. Even though with each passing day, Thomas' words wormed further into my brain, trying to convince me that I'd made a huge mistake by choosing Jake. That wasn't Richy's fault, though, and I wouldn't keep torturing him. He deserved to find someone else even if I wasn't with Jake anymore.

Regardless, Richy needed me to be fully present for him. I did my best to apply make-up to hide the dark circles under my eyes, make certain my hair wasn't a mess, and that I was wearing something nicer than sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt. I read and re-read the visitor dress code rules to make sure I did everything right and wouldn't waste any of my time with Richy. I finally settled on a navy-blue hoodie over a black T-shirt with a sports bra and a pair of black jeans and a pair of sneakers. Just in case, I brought half my closet with me and arrived exactly an hour early as they required. I had never done this before and I was very nervous. After parking my car, I locked it with my single car key in one hand and my driver's license, $50 in $1 bills, and approved visitation application in the other hand. Everything else was locked inside the car. As I approached the building, I stood in a line and shifted nervously, humming to myself. 

Finally, my time came. I answered a few questions, was handed a pass, and then waited in another line to go through security. I set all my stuff on a tray and walked through, breathing a sigh of relief when nothing beeped. I quickly slipped Richy's ring back on my finger and scooped up the rest of the items, then went to sit in the waiting area. Thirty minutes later, I was told which visitor room I could go to. My excitement grew at the thought of finally seeing him. It hadn't even been that long, but after spending nearly every day with him for a year, it felt like forever.

His face was scruffy, but he looked cute and had a big smile on his face. We were allowed a brief hug and it took everything in me to not cling to him like I always did. I had to be strong and not get kicked out because I was being too touchy. I stepped back and held up my cash. "Let's get you some food," I said.

"I could eat," Richy asserted, and I laughed for the first time in over a week.

As we stood in line by the vending machines, I smiled as I let Richy pick out whatever he wanted. They even had frozen sandwiches and a microwave. Our arms were weighed down by the time we returned to our table with all the food and drinks for him. I watched with joy as Richy bit into his reheated hamburger with a smile.

"So, how are you?" he asked between mouthfuls.

"Extremely happy to be here with you," I replied, and it was the truth.

Richy studied me carefully. "You look like you haven't been sleeping, Li. Are things still bad with Jake?"

I rolled my eyes. "Richy, I'm fine. I don't want or need to talk about him, OK? I want to hear from you."

"Weeeelllll," he drawled, "I do have some potentially good news."

"Really? Tell me!" I squeaked.

"All the prisons are overcrowded, and what with the threats, they don't think they can accommodate me being in protective custody long-term," he said.