But It Isn't Right (Duskwood Fanfic)

What Matters

It was so nice waking up and being able to give Richy kisses. I'd been holding back for so long, and now I couldn't stop kissing him. He didn't seem to mind. We had an easy familiarity and it felt like no time had passed. I was so grateful for this man, who was not only my best friend but my only true love.

Also, there was nothing demanding about him. We were just kissing. I didn't feel pressured to go any further than that. I was actually quite nervous about us going to that step we hadn't taken before, but Richy didn't make me feel like there was any hurry to progress to that point.

Today was my last chance to talk to Tyler, so I reluctantly agreed to go. I kissed Richy goodbye in the parking lot, feeling far less anxious about this encounter than I had last time. Alan greeted me at the door and we went through the normal procedures, then headed to a different room, one with a single table that Tyler was shackled to. I wasn't expecting that, and stopped at the door, causing Alan to nearly run into my back. "What's this?" I was suddenly more apprehensive.

"He's in solitary until he gets transferred, and so his meeting with you is held in a different room," Alan explained. "I'll be right outside the door, so just call out if you need me."

I approached Tyler, those familiar blue eyes looking at me hopefully. "Hey, baby," he said, his voice like syrup. "I missed you."

"I couldn't miss someone that I didn't know. What did you want to tell me about Jake?" I asked.

"You know me," Tyler insisted. "That night, at the B&B? Everything I told you was the truth about the real me. Every time I was inside of you, looking into your eyes and telling you how much I loved you while you came apart underneath me, that was the real me."

I felt like I was trapped in a tub of live worms. "You make me sick," I hissed. "I found the real you. That's the guy who had a locked room in our home, filled with secrets. I understand now why you were reading my lips, why you followed me like a stalker so that I couldn't even leave the room without you behind me. That wasn't love, you were spying on me and all my friends. I found the picture of us that you destroyed, too. I'm going to sell that house, by the way, as soon as the police say they don't need it anymore."

Tears dripped down his face at my words. "I had to do my job! Otherwise, they would come for you. I had to give them something, little snippets, to keep you safe. You have to believe that."

"Save your crocodile tears!" I snapped. "Now, you dragged me out here to tell me about Jake. What is it?"

"Come with me," he begged. "When I go into WitSec, join me! Please, Li."

I was exhausted by this interaction. "Tyler. It's too late for us. I don't know how else to explain it to you. You lied to me from the start. I can't forgive that, and I'm not in love with you. Will you please tell me what I came here for?"

He sobbed, and it reminded me so much of our interaction outside the barn when he'd begged my forgiveness for his behavior in the hospital. My tough-girl facade slipped a bit, and tears pricked my eyes. "Tyler, please. I--I think I understand why you made the choices that you did, even if they were the wrong ones. And I appreciate that you tried not to hurt me, but you did. Can't you understand that?"

Tyler nodded, dejected. "You're right. I messed up badly. I can't expect a woman as good as you to just let that go. Just know that I'll never forget you, Li. Thank you for loving me and trusting me. I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I'm going to hold on to the memory of you in my heart forever."

OK, now I was really crying. I nodded. I had no way to reciprocate those feelings, but in his own twisted way, he was being sincere. "Thank you for saying that," I managed.