But It Isn't Right (Duskwood Fanfic)

Not Even a Goodbye

I called Richy's attorney the next morning. She promised that she would try to ensure he was protected, but it was tricky because he wasn't classified yet, so it was difficult for even her to see him. "So you mean he's just sitting alone like he's being punished and he doesn't even know why?" The thought of friendly, people-loving Richy being isolated and trapped like that drove me mad with worry. This was not OK. 

"I'll do what I can," she promised.

Things were not much better with Jake. He needed a lot of supplemental oxygen and he looked like every breath was painful. Lilly, her parents, and I rotated spending time with him. I wanted to be next to him all day, but I knew I had to share with the other people who loved him. I made phone calls and attempted to work when I was out of the room because when I was in it, all I could do was watch Jake sleep and hold his hand. A lot of the staff recognized me from my own time as a patient, so they didn't fuss about me sleeping there or even taking showers in Jake's bathroom. And I was right--the sleeping recliners were much more comfortable than the hospital beds.

Jake was severely depressed. He only ate because I fed him, and spent the rest of the time sleeping. He barely looked at me, even when I was feeding him, cleaning him, or combing his hair. "I'm not going away, you know," I finally said.

"You should," he told me in a weak voice. "I couldn't protect you, and I certainly couldn't protect Hannah."

I was taken aback. Was he asking me to leave? "Jake, I know you think it's your job to protect everyone at all times, but look at that statement logically. How would it be possible?" His jaw clenched and he kept his eyes shut, tears leaking from the corners. "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I'm not trying to upset you. There's just no way that you can be everywhere at once and control every factor. Hannah should have been safe where she was. You're not to blame."

I tried to reach for his hand, but he moved it away. "Do you not want me here anymore?" I asked him, my heart thudding. He refused to answer me, but he turned his head away. "Jake," I pleaded, "Don't do this. Let me be here with you and help you get better! You promised me we wouldn't be separated." I was answered by silence. I bit my lip to stifle my cries and gathered up my things. 

I was rushing out the door, brushing past the police officer outside when I nearly collided with Lilly in the hallway. "What's wrong?" she asked, looking alarmed. "Is Jake--"

"He's safe, Lilly," I told her. "He just doesn't want me here anymore."

"What? That can't be true," she asserted. "You must have misunderstood."

I swallowed my tears and wiped them away. "He's filled with guilt, and he won't even speak to me. Other than to tell me I should leave, that is."

"Oh, Li. You know he can't possibly mean that. He loves you."

"Honestly, Lilly, I'm not sure what I know anymore. I thought that he was the one I could spend the rest of my life with. I wanted to believe we were finally in a place where we could have a future together, and he would stop trying to run from whatever he was feeling. But he has a history of pushing me away, and if he's going to start doing that again now, then maybe I was wrong. I can't go through that again; it nearly killed me last time." I turned and left. 

I held it together until I got home, and then I buried my face in his pillow and cried. I already missed him, and I started second-guessing myself and everything I'd said. I began thinking of a million other things I could have told him, or that perhaps I should have said nothing at all. Anything to change what had happened, to prevent him from saying I should leave and turning away from me.

No, I decided. I had to fight for him if he wouldn't, or couldn't right now. I couldn't give up so easily. I grabbed my keys and drove back to the hospital. I waited impatiently for the elevator to let me off on his floor, hurried down the hallway to his room, and walked in...to find him sitting up, talking, and holding hands with a pretty blond-haired woman. They both turned to look at me; it was Laura, the FBI agent. I saw a flash of recognition on her face, but there was zero emotion from Jake. I stood in shock as he turned back to Laura and started talking again without even acknowledging me.