The Traveler: Mondstadt (Genshin Impact)

Chapter 26

I had another dream. For some reason the gods have given the nightmares of my past permission to haunt me while I slept. While others commend my efforts to grow strong I could only feel the guilt weighing me down even further. As the hours past, in-between nodding sessions of the daylight hour, I push past the screaming of my arms to keep the images out of my mind.

I'm not putting effort to protect these people. Rather the only real effort I'm putting is so that I can ignore all the problems in my head. It's just like when my brother died. After all the rage I was left with a hallow space in my heart that was constantly filled with all the insecurities, the pain, and guilt.

For a while I might have felt alone but the truth was, I was only as alone as I made myself believe. When I graduated from high school and no longer had anyone to guide me I resorted to awful things to suppress myself all over again. Blind rage took so much energy and surviving already took so much out of me.

In the end I think I even let the quick highs mellow. Somehow I learned how to shut it all off. I focused on the present and the present only. The path I was taking was blind to me. My family was wrong. I didn't know where I was going. I was just doing what I thought was needed of me because god forbid I'd do anything else wrong.

What was I even doing back then? I was so worried about clothing myself that I never really beyond what was right in front of me. If I had looked up once then maybe I'd know how to deal with all of these swirling emotions stuck inside of my head. Maybe I would've learned how to properly deal with all of this myself.

The Cathedral bell rang loudly over the silent city. Its voice demanding that we hide. Those few who chose to stay outside, and chose not to fight, hurriedly made their way into the building. Barbara was right next to me as we ushered people into the basement of the church. I know it was much reassurance but it was all we could offer them at the moment.

"How much longer do we have until the deadline?"

Barbara helped a woman up from the ground, "Two hours. Jean wanted to get everyone to safety as soon as possible."

Makes sense. I was wondering why they would sound the bell so early. Its better to do things early than late. A small group of guards were the last to enter. They were the last defense in case the rest of us were to fall. It might seem cruel to have only six people protect hundreds. I hope they don't see it that way.

The duty of a Knight was to fight even through their own fear. You can't expect every person to fight on the battle field with an empty mind. Most of the time a single phrase is repeated over and over again in the mind. Don't die. I don't want to die. It isn't pathetic...its human.

Knights stationed outside barged in, "Is that everyone?"

Barbara nodded, "We're double checking the list but it seems so."

"Very well. If you will excuse me then..."

Sister Victoria nodded as she checked through the small boxes. Everyone has been counted for. Now we do the hardest part. We wait. All of the sisters decided to stand in front of the empty benches to pray to Barbatos. They should be praying for him, not to him. I slyly asked Ariana about Venti earlier but she obviously avoided the question.

I didn't like it one bit. I also don't know her well enough what she'll decide to do next. If she were another character in this game then I would be able to read her mind to some extent. 

While the sisters prayed I went over to the infirmary hall to our right. I slid onto the first bed I could find and curled up into a small  ball. I've been hiding it well this whole time but I'm terrified. What the hell did I think I was doing?