Lightning

Chapter IV

.Age 8.

     This is when my first heartbreak happened, when I realized that pain was still a relevant thing in my life. There was no escaping it. After this year pain, sadness, and hostility would follow me wherever I go, forever.

A month had passed since I got my dog. Within that month I had turned 8 years old. My Dad was outside having another cigarette. My Grandma came into the bedroom that Alex, Dad and I shared at her house. We had moved in. Nothing from my old house was here. Not even Lue. I asked my Dad where he was and he told me that Grandma didn't want him so she told Dad to take him to a farm where he can run and play. I was sad but also happy that he had more room to run and play. My happiness was slowly starting to disappear. My Mom had told me that she filed for divorce and that she is dating Jessie. She stays at his friends house with him on and off. He knows I hate him. I try to kick him in the balls any chance I get. Alex and I stayed there this passed weekend and I heard them talking about me. Him and my Uncle, my Moms brother are best friends. My uncle hates me because he thinks I like boys. I don't. But that probably put the idea in Jessie's head. 

At Jessie's friends Dana's house I heard Mom and him talking late one night about me.

"All he draws is girls Jackie. He is a girl and it pisses me off." He yells at her.

"He is still my son Jessie, I don't care it's not your problem." She defends me.

To let them know I was there I threw a stuffed animal of mine off the railing from upstairs and watched it land on the couch.

The whispers went silent and I heard my mom.

"Now look what you did."

I hope she leaves him. I hope he dies.

    So now I'm living at my Grandma's house now, Dad says it's not for very long so maybe we could get a house sometime soon. I hope so, I hadn't spent that much time with my Grandma before we moved in so I was a little uncomfortable.

A couple months pass and I noticed that we were getting more and more settled in the house. All 3 of us were still sharing a room and it was time to go to my Papas to stay with my Mom for a week. But I go back to school tomorrow so I guess I'll take the bus there.

......

School this week has been okay. I keep getting pulled out of class and asked who I want to live with, my Mom or my Dad. I am so tired of being asked this question. Everyday this week I've been asked who I basically love more.

Why can't they just be together and Jessie can go away.

I am tired of my classmates asking me why I am crying when I walk back into class. I only have 3 friends at school. Everyone else kinda bullies me because they think I'm gay.

For an 8 year old I will admit. My voice is high than all the other boys and I haven't bulked up any. I feel like I'll never change. I'm so tired of being different.

My friend Carlee was really the only one there for me through all of this.

"Hey are you okay?" Carlee asked as I walked back in from another emotional session.

She was the same height as me. She had shoulder length blonde hair, Honestly we could be related we act and look alike in some ways. 

"Yeah I am fine."

"Why do they keep pulling you out of class?"  She asked.

So I told her. I told her everything. My mom cheating, the divorce, the move and my dog. I needed someone to talk to and I've known her since kindergarten.

"Oh my gosh. How are you handling it?" She asked.

"Obviously not well." I laugh and brushed tears from my face.

"Okay you two, come join the class on the carpet." Ms.List calls to us.

We nod at each other and head toward the carpet.

I felt bad for unloading everything on her, but honestly it felt good to let it all out. Like I said, I don't have a lot of friends. Carlee has been a great friend to me since we met when we were 5. She actually has the same birthday as my Uncle Ron.  I can't exactly talk to my Mom or my Dad about how I feel about it and Alex is 2 so I can't talk to her about it.

I have never felt so alone. After school I take the bus to my Papas house and did my homework, eat and lay down. I don't  even have a bed. I had a patio cushion to sleep on. My Moms room was across the hall on the second level of the wooden house. She had a solid oak headboard made dark. She had a shelf on the top and it held a picture of her and Jessie on it. I would turn the picture around every chance I could. She would always get so mad at me and yell.

I am so tired of this back and forth with my parents when will it end?

Okay guys sorry about my childhood dragging on. We will be in the teens shortly I think one or two left of childhood then jumping to a couple chapters for middle school. Then high school. High school is when the bad shit goes down so stay with me. Vote,follow, and comment. Love you guys xoxo

      Lightning